This poem was inspired by my grandson and is written from that point of view. He describes what is is like to be under constant scrutiny at the dinner table.
MANNERS
I wish that I could eat alone,
I’d lick my fingers, chew the bone,
It wouldn’t matter if I slurped
Or spilled the gravy on my shirt.
Instead when I sit down to tea,
Everybody looks at me;
They’re making me a nervous wreck
As I go through a manners check.
“Sit up straight, now that’s the lad!”
“Don’t you know that slouching’s bad?”
“Use your fork,” and “elbows in!”
“What’s that sticking on your chin?”
The steak is tough; I saw and scrape;
And then the meat flips off my plate:
I reach across to pick it up,
Whoops! Oh heck! There goes my cup.
Just when I’m ready for a bite,
I nearly drop my fork with fright
As mother yells, “That’s much too big!”
“You have the manners of a pig!”
“Son, don’t you know it’s very rude
To speak with your mouth stuffed full of food?”
And so I gulp and cough and splutter
And spray some bits into the butter!
I sink down slowly in my chair
My heart is filling with despair;
Good Manners! I’m so sick of them,
I guess I’ll learn it all… but when?
If you should know of someone younger,
Please don’t let them die of hunger,
Be it daughter, nephew, son or niece,
Just let them have their tea in peace.
This is a delightful lament from a child's point of view! How would we adults feel if we were watched constantly, and corrected for every wrong move? Really cute writing!
What a wonderful piece of childhood dilemma! You have nailed it with this one. For some reason, boys have a harder time than girls when it comes to etiquette. My great uncle told of the time when my twin brother and I smeared mashed potatoes and gravy on his wall and my mother seemed unconcerned (I never recall her chiding me for my manners). Of course I was either two or three and thankfully, don't remember.
I learned manners in Boy Scouts and much later at a college specializing in home economics, got the finer points, especially at the dinner table in high society. My helper tends to rapidly stir my food before feeding me with it, it's an annoying habit I can't seem to break the middle-aged woman from. She tells me that her mother couldn't either. ;-)
gave me a chuckle, during snack time in first grade I tell the little ones, at home we lick the lid, we slurp the applesauce, we dip to the bottom of the bowl of dip, but here at school and in public we practice our best manners
they all giggle, and nod knowingly, and now and then even ask if I lick the lid,
I frown and snarl HEAVENS NO!, they fall on the floor in gales of laughter shrieking yes you do, yes you do!
Farctured Frazzled Folk Fables and Fairy Farces, Part II satirizes popular children's stories into adult-oriented renditions. FFFF &FF, Part II is also available in Amazon Kindle and Barnes and Noble e-book formats.
Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part V
Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part V is humorous adult literature featuring adult content and language. The work satirizes and spoofs thirteen classic tales from U.S. and British literature, a
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Connie
I learned manners in Boy Scouts and much later at a college specializing in home economics, got the finer points, especially at the dinner table in high society. My helper tends to rapidly stir my food before feeding me with it, it's an annoying habit I can't seem to break the middle-aged woman from. She tells me that her mother couldn't either. ;-)
Thanks for the memories…
Ron
gave me a chuckle, during snack time in first grade I tell the little ones, at home we lick the lid, we slurp the applesauce, we dip to the bottom of the bowl of dip, but here at school and in public we practice our best manners
they all giggle, and nod knowingly, and now and then even ask if I lick the lid,
I frown and snarl HEAVENS NO!, they fall on the floor in gales of laughter shrieking yes you do, yes you do!
life is good