My ex used to tell me
there were only three things
necessary for travel
from here to Kentucky.

And those three things are
a change of clothes,
eleven dollars,
and a bucket of chicken.

First I asked
if she had made the trip.
She said no
it was a friend of hers.

This friend made that trip
using only those items
and nothing else
from here to Kentucky.

This is what I asked her
and she nodded.
Of course, the next question was:
How did he get back?

At that she seemed confused.
She paused a moment
and actually stuttered
on the word "what."

It's really very simple.
He used three items to get
from here to Kentucky,
but if it's a round trip

shouldn't it be:
two changes of clothes,
twenty-two dollars,
and two buckets of chicken?

Did he use the eleven dollars
to buy the chicken?
Or did he have more money
just for the chicken?

And if so, shouldn't it be:
a change of clothes,
eleven dollars plus the cost of a bucket of chicken,
and a bucket of chicken?

And if it's a round trip:
isn't it two changes of clothes,
twenty-two dollars plus the cost of two buckets of chicken,
and two buckets of chicken?

And what reason did he have
for going to Kentucky?
It couldn't have been
for the chicken.

Then I saw the confusion
drain from her eyes
as they narrowed upon me
with that dagger gaze of hers.

An angry tear welled up
as she asked "why
must you insist upon
ruining this for me?!"

Ruin? Far from it.
I was more than impressed
that such an arduous undertaking
cost him only eleven dollars.

Plus the cost of a bucket of chicken.

She said "My friend
told me this super-cool story
of how he traveled
from here to Kentucky

on no more or less than
a change of clothes,
eleven dollars,
and a bucket of chicken.

And you have to pick it apart
and suck all the fun out of it.
I mean, can't you just accept
that it's just so f***ing cool?"

You forgot the cost of a bucket of chicken.

"Oh, that's just junky!"
I could tell she was angry
because she was losing
the ability to curse.

She screamed "why don't you
go suck a plucky duck?!"
I thought then was the perfect time
for a peace offering.

I offered to buy dinner.
To which she was grudgingly amenable.
So I threw a change of clothes in the car
and went to Kentucky Fried Chicken.