This getting old’s unpleasant ,

No! more than that it is a curse,

With aches and pains in every joint,

But the alternative’s much worse,

Because you only get two choices,

You either grow old, or you don’t,

So you’ll suffer the indignities 

Of old age, or you won’t,

Things like sleeping in your armchair

And drooling in your lap,

To wake convinced it wasn’t you,

But someone else did that,

And when nature calls, the toilet

Is further than it used to be,

So every call of nature

Becomes a cause for urgency,

Requiring a turn of speed

That you do not possess,

Thank God for Tena lady

And Tena Man I guess.

Though there’s no way that you’d admit

You’d ever wear such things

They save all the embarrassment 

That kind of mishap brings.

Then there’s the hearing aids and dentures,

And of course the walking canes,

That will serve until your legs give out

And you need a Zimmer frame.

Though you’ll swear there’s nothing wrong with you

And you wouldn’t have one as a gift,

Secretly you’re glad

That they’ve installed that new stair lift,

And that ramp up to the front door,

So you don’t have to use the steps,

These are things that you’ll complain about

But soon come to accept,

When your hips click like a castanet

And your breath comes as a wheeze,

And you’re convinced each cough or splutter now

Is some terminal decease.

Though your doctor says you’re healthy

But even that just makes you wild,

That he thinks he knows more than you do,

Though he’s no more than a child,

That  probably still lives with his parents,

And not yet reached puberty,

The upside of being old

Is you don’t need diplomacy.

You can say anything that comes to mind

To anyone you choose,

It’s an unspoken right old people have,

To be obnoxious and obtuse,

Because it’s more than just unpleasant

When your eyes no longer focus

And there is no magic potion

Or witch doctors hocus-pocus.

To bring back your dexterity,

Your vitality or sight

And all you have to look forward to

Are your tablets every night,

Tablets for blood pressure,

Tables for your heart,

Some more to help your breathing,

As though you’re going to fall apart,

If you don’t let them put your eyedrops in,

Or rub linament on your back,

It’s enough to make you blood boil

Or bring on a heart attack.

Yes this growing old’s unpleasant

It’s no way at all to live,

But as unpleasant as it may be,

It’s better than the alternative.

By S.E.Ralph

5-05-2021