BEER
(So much more than just a breakfast drink)
Copyright By: Richard Lee King
I’ve been a beer drinker
dang near all my life,
though I didn’t drink very much
til I met up with my third wife.
I don’t like to talk bad
behind nobody’s back
but when it came to beer drinking
she really had the knack.
She was one of them there gals
they wrote about in that there song
She could drink you under the table
and it wouldn’t tak’er very long.
I don’t remember the singer's name,
but his words I shore do believe
He said, “I cain’t be with nobody,
who gets drunker’an me.”
Well, in all my born days
I never seen the like.
She drank me under the table,
then carried me to my bike.
‘Bout that time I’d begun to think
that this was pretty cool.
She’d gotten me out of the place
‘fore I started actin’ a fool.
She finished off’er beer
as she plunked me on my ride,
hauled my ass to the preacher
then she became my bride.
There’s another country song,
but the singers not the same,
about being married to your waitress
when you don’t even know'er name.
Them’re words of wisdom,
but I heared em too damn late,
and a hard drinkin’ biker chick.
turned out to be my fate.
Nothin’ agin' biker chicks
and nothin’ agin' hard drinkin’
but ever since that night,
she’d been doin’ all my thinkin’
She’d tell me when I could go
and she’d tell me when to be back
I’da booted her out long ago,
but she was damn good in the sack.
She’da been real purdy too,
least that’s my belief,
that is if it had'na been fer the fact
she’s a missin two front teeth.
Anyway, as I mentioned,
she mighta' lacked a little class.
She said if yer talkin behind my back
yer in a good place to kiss my ass.
She overheard me conversatin’
last night with my big brother.
She might’a heared me talkin’
‘bout my sexy other lover.
Now she keeps a smilin' at me
through them thar missin’ teeth.
She keeps offer’n me more beer
and this here's my belief.
She’s a plannin’ to get me drunk,
she knows I cain’t resist,
then she’ll disappear me,
an' tell everyone I left pissed.
She’ll bury me with my bike
and I’ll jist be among the missin.’
Soon a nuf, at the biker bar
ther’s another she’ll be a kissin.’
I plan on lettin' er dig the hole,
I’ll let er throw in my ride,
then I’ll hit her over the head
and bury them side by side.
Then when people ask,
I’ll say she stole my bike,
‘course gettin’ to and from the bar
will be quite a nasty hike.
I been a talkin’ in the past tense,
now I’m a fixin to say the reason,
I writ that poem years ago
jist cause it was pleasin’.
But now I’ve actcherly met that gal,
or at least her carbon copy.
Picked her up long side the road,
thother day in my old jalopy.
Now the words to that old song
bout her gettin’ drunker’n me,
well, that’s how it’s done worked out
and she cain’t keep track of the key.
'Course, she cain’t drive me home,
'cause she’d never pass the test,
so I either walk er call a cab,
which I think is prob’ly best.
Anyhow, I’ been told ta tell y’all
beer has lots of other uses
and when ya git too much in ya,
it leads to many abuses.
Ya ain’t allowed ta hit no gal,
whether yer drunk er sober.
So ‘fore ya hook up with no biker chick
Ya better git to know‘er.
An iffin ya read this here book
Y’all be a whole lot wiser
About a bunch a other ways to use
all them leftover Budweiser’s.
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even them toof-less onez need some luv'n
Samuel Adams Fall Brew-Octoberfest
Vickie
Peace,
Dayvid
Blessings,
Christine
she mighta' lacked a little class.
She said if yer talkin behind my back
yer in a good place to kiss my ass.
Oh my what a classic line. Fun, fun stuff, as beer is my favorite subject. But not for breakfast. Dessert, yes, as in beer float. A mighty fine use of beer and one that should make your book proud. I wrote a poem about it last year here on the Den, damned if I can recall the title though. Patrick
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