Many MOONS ago, as a Hopkins employee, I wrote a cute little NASTY rhyme entitled: OLE KRIS KRINGLE AND HIS WRINKLED OLE DINGLE!
Wherein he went to the Esteemed Johns Hopkins Hospital Plastic Surgery Unit, and received a Transplant from RUDOLPH'S NOSE!
YES - Venusians, there IS a Santa Claus! And YES - he IS a Martian too!
ERGO, PENILE THINKING STILL RUNS RAMPANT!
SO - before conedoning, or condemning, consider my Dialectic motion -
THESIS - ANTITHESIS - SYNTHESIS ...
DUH! Am I writing nonsense AGAIN?
Does IT "Tickle Your Fancy?"
Is a Bear Catholic?
Does the Pope Poop in the Woods?
If a Tree Falls in the Forest, and no one is there to hear, will IT eventually Rot and become HUMUS?
Would you spread such HUMUS on your PITA bread and eat IT?
QUESTIONS - QUESTIONS - QUESTIONS - and not a drop to DRINK!
THE MAN WHO WOULD BE DING
Copyright: 10/27/07 - Tom Hyland
Yes, my Friends, he’s Turning Over in his Grave,
That Great Poet and Author, Rudyard Kipling!
To read a Paraphrase from such a Knave -
Pray tell, how King could be Relegated to Ding?
Well, I must admit that IT,
Was a totally foolish and personal Quest.
And it was Always done as a Private Bit,
My Former Wifie Dear - T’would hear, at Best!
Sometimes, when we were wont to Frolic and Caress,
I’d assume a Name for my little Frame, that Thing!
And as a Secret Joke, I’d be the Bloke,
Who Signed Her Cards as - KING DING!
Oh, IT was a Standing and Outstanding Thingy,
When e’er we’d have an Affair -
To assign a Nom D’ Plume to my Lil Dingie!
If her Affection was an Erection - BEWARE!
Yes, I must Confess,
T’was a Vain and somewhat Cutesy Act;
But When Your Amour Knocks on the Door,
You Want some More - and That’s a Fact!
So, when We went Abed, and Legs were Spread,
Thank you Ma’am, Bam, Bing!
Such Gentile words were Said!
By The Man Who Would Be Ding!
In Retrospect, was I Wrong?
Do Two Errors make a Right?
Or, instead of Ding, was I a Dong?
No Matter, in the Middle of the Night!
But in the Light of Day,
Is it not Wonderful to Play?
To chant a Singsong, and be Gay,
Either Ding or Dong, do not Dismay!
“The Proof of the Pie is in the Eating”
That’s What They Say!
And as Our Arms entwined, and Thus we Dined,
Did we Sit, or Set - Lie or Lay?
As I Ponder to Pen this little Jingle,
The Man Who Would Be Ding,
I must Wonder ‘bout Ole Kris Kringle,
What Gives his Thing such ZING?
Now, Fess Up, Folks, Tell the Truth!
Did You Not Do Silly Things in Your Youth?
Ah - but now we’re Old and Wrinkled - Forsooth!
And are Relegated to Country Fairs’ Kissing Booth!
As I move Along, and End this Song,
I Fear Not to be Remiss -
The Man Who Would Be Dong,
Let’s Seal IT with a Kiss!
Hell - Yeah! You are Too Much, Sir! And for a guy named Pee Wee (For other reasons, of course!), this is hilariously funny.
PS Humus on Pita Bread ain't half bad, but I only use it when we run out of Lard. And, surprisingly enough, most Bears I have met in the woods, are Catholics!
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Regis
Be safe,
Karen
PS Humus on Pita Bread ain't half bad, but I only use it when we run out of Lard. And, surprisingly enough, most Bears I have met in the woods, are Catholics!