Some have that kind of grandfather, good-natured, charming, lovable and firm like the roots of an old oak tree.
I wish I had one like that...

"If water were as hard as dirt,
we wouldn't need bridges
to cross the river"
said my Grandpa,
called by his friend
a quarreling old-geezer,
after one of his "walkabouts"
deep in the forest,
where his moonshine
ran like a never ending river.

"If God hadn't come creatin'
that ol' Satan Devil,
we wouldn't be needin'
for brimstone spittin preachers"
he wold say to Grandma
after she corralled him
and dragged his sorry self
to Sunday's church service,
to pay the respects that was needed
to the waiting all Almighty.

"If man hadn't neighbors with boys,
he wouldn't need to his daughters
all the watch-out screamin'
'cause you can't pollinate
a mare that's runnin'"
and he would have handy,
loaded to the fully,
his shotgun with salt-grains
for any stallion come tryin'
of one young mare a little sniffin'

"If God had intended for all men
to be good humored, ever'body
would be drinkin' moonshine"
and when the law happened to ask...
to the hapless deputy we would say,
"this jug? I found it,
and you can't confiscate 'cause
finder's keepers, sonny boy,
it ain't against the law
to drink other man's moonshine!"