Lily Tomlin as Ernestine

A pet peeve of mine. You could easily
substitute “Mr” for “Miss” except that might misinform. ;-)

Please, Miss Information give me a hand,
I am being misunderstood,
throughout the land.

When I have a question I search the web,
I am directed to FAQs,
until I go to bed.

FAQs never have the answer,
to the question I pose.
So just try to find that number,
to call, I suppose.

Short of 911 and south of 1411,
I’ve found the number,
and think that I am done.

If they are open,
often not the case.
I am greeted with a menu,
I would like to erase.

Except for “English,”
my selections are none,
pressing "0" for operator,
may think I've won.

So I write a letter,
on their e-mail form.
Only to get a response,
from a robot gnome.

When I finally get a real live,
person on the phone.
She's a minimum wage temporary,
with a mind like a clone.

"Hold please," she says in a flash,
the Muzak comes on,
while my thoughts clash.

A supervisor is nowhere to be found,
"Please leave a message."
[Will give you a call,
when we get around].

A tech with all the answers,
arrives on the phone.
Two hours later,
I'm no closer to home.

Miss Information is wild and free,
everything else costs money,
with minimum wagers,
at the base of the tree.

Copyright 2011 © Ronald W. Hull

3/19/11