Pam Ayres

Pam, the angel,

 I worshiped from afar.

I’d like to come and see you.

But I haven’t got a car.

Me Granddad, says he has one.

I could have for half-a-crown.

An amount, you could loan me.

The next time you’re in town.

I really like your poems.

And read some to our Willy.

He thinks you’re rather strange.

And your poems are very silly.

But take no notice of his kind.

He never knows what’s going on.

He just sits and sucks his thumb.

Well, he’s only just turned one.

“Well!”

I waited, waited, for the loan.

But nothing’s come, so far.

Then me Granddad past away.

And so did his little car.

Arrrr!

  So it’s down to public transport.

What will the neighbours say?

Me mam will have a dicky fit.

If she finds, I’ve travelled that way.

Can I bring my Karen?

She’s me lovely girlfriend now.

She’s nice most of the time.

But other times, a real cow.

Please don’t be jealous.

She’s not really competition.

But, I couldn’t wait any longer.

You understand my position.

I keep your picture handy.

When me memory needs a jog.

And keep you in me pocket.

With Percy, my pet frog. 

“Well!”

Now even Percy’s left me.

With me Granddad, he’s gone to rest.

But you still have some company.

With humbugs and Georgie Best.

I got your picture framed.

And hung it in the hall.

But Karen got so jealous.

She turned you face to wall.

So I hung it in the bathroom

For no one else to see.

And look upon your blushing face.

Whenever I have a wee.

I got myself a little car.

I cadged it off me mam.

And if I get it going.

I’ll come and see you Pam. 

I could take you for a drive.

Down some nice secluded route.

But we can’t do any ruddies.

Well, not with Karen in the boot.

Sorry, this took so long to write.

I’m very shy, you see.

I started this at 10 years old.

And now I’m 53.

Well, I’m actually 55, but that doesn’t rhyme.