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I know there isn’t a right or a wrong in this, but… 4/19/2008 3:24:43 AM
Different cultures have different approaches towards death and dying, and, beyond cultures, so have different generations. Beyond these generalizations, as well as beyond those regarding different religions and philosophies, however, there is something far more important – or should I say crucial – to be taken into consideration, and that is the individual’s personal approach regarding such major issues.
What to do when a loved one’s approach differs from your own? How can you help a dying person, who is as close to you as an essential part of your own being, walk along that pathway – which many believe is the final one and many don’t, while many more are unsure, to say the least – of unavoidable (if varying, in its intensity) physical and emotional turbulence, toward a legitimately and, I believe, intrinsically desired “dimension” – for lack of a better definition – of serenity and peace, when there is little or no harmony in the steps you personally sense would take you there and their own faltering ones?
And a few questions that will most probably remain unanswered in essence, no matter how many answers anyone may offer to them: Do you tell someone you know is dying… that they are dying, when, in many moments, through many expressions, actions and reactions, they have made it clear to you that they want to be convinced of… exactly the opposite? Do you shatter their hope – no matter how irrational it may seem to be, according to all indicators – that there may still be a change in the direction, a reprieve, a cure, a miracle… or do you overstep your own sense of hopelessness – or, if not of hopelessness, your own sense of acceptance of a (nonetheless unwanted) totally diverse reality – and, because you love them unconditionally, simply respect their wish and their mind-set… and set your heart into being simply, and totally, compassionate, even if this means to swallow your pain along with what you believe is the truth, and to remain silent and just hold their hands, when you can’t bring yourself to actually voice what you feel are just merciful lies to them anymore? Then… what do you do when the moment comes… and they have to face what they were obviously not prepared for… and all you want, with every fiber of your being, because you love them with every fiber of your being, is that such moment may be devoid… of pain and of fear?
