Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner, click
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Blogs by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner
still think i'm funny? 7/1/2003 3:00:19 PM
BLOG: sounds like somethin you do when you get sick *blooooooooooogggg* >grins< people tell me i'm funny. they say i can always make 'em laugh, or feel good when they're feelin down.
i laugh to hide the pain.
y'all just don't know.
what could be so painful in my life? well, i'll tell you:
* the pain of verbal abuse i've felt all my life--of bein told i'll be nothin but a loser, a user, and an abuser...that i'm worthless...that i won't amount to anything...that my dreams are stupid...that i'm stupid...that i'm fat...that i'm ugly...that i'm crazy...and that i'll never change
still think i'm funny?
* the pain i live with every single day of my life--have chronic back pain, due to degenerative disc disease, sciatica, and nerve damage, and to add to the mix, osteoarthritis (and i suspect, fibromyalgia, although it's never officially been diagnosed...suggested, yes, but not confirmed)...in pain, 24/7, some days worse than others, but always in pain
still think i'm funny?
* the pain of losing my son, andy--not to death (THANK GOD), but he might as well be dead...for all i see him...he's fixin to be 18, haven't seen him since he was six...my ex husband had me sign paperwork, i was stupid and didn't read it...yep, wound up signing my rights away and can't afford to fight in court...and am afraid to try (what MUST he think of his mama??)
still think i'm funny?
awwwwwww, i ain't writin this to make you feel sorry for me...i'm just getttin some feelins off my chest
but the next time i make you laugh...think about the pain behind it for a moment...say a prayer...and if i need a (((HUG)))...i won't turn it down, either
