Blogs by Robert A. Mills on AuthorsDen.com

AuthorsDen.com Join | Login

Where Authors and Readers come together!

SIGNED BOOKS AUTHORS BOOKS SAMPLE CHAPTERS AUDIOBOOKS eBOOKS STORIES ARTICLES POETRY BLOGS NEWS VIDEOS SUCCESS TESTIMONIALS

Featured Authors: Maria Rushing, iCharlene Proctor, iKalikiano Kalei, iDebra Kraft, iRiley Blake, iDavid Young, iTichaona Chinyelu, iWilliam Cottringer, iShirley Francis-Salley, iShannon MacLeod, i

Home > Blogs

Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Robert A. Mills

Follow Me

· Contact Me
· Sponsor Me!
· Books
· Articles
· News
· Blog
· Messages

· 7 Titles
· 7 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
· Member Since: Aug, 2001

Robert A. Mills, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.

Blogs by Robert A. Mills

SHORT PEOPLE
8/4/2009 5:47:05 AM

Some unidentified souls have petitioned the FCC to ban the word “midget” from all radio and TV broadcasts under government control, which is almost all transmissions utilizing the frequencies of AM, FM and TV bands that go out over the air. These petitioners apparently feel “midget” is a derogatory term that undermines the status of little people who deserve more respect and less profiling.

The fine folks at Merriam-Webster tell me a midget in the noun form is “a very diminutive person, and in the adjective form like a midget in size; very diminutive, hence its usage as a synonym for ‘miniature,’ as with cars.” The word, incidentally, comes from “midge,” meaning a sand fly; add the suffix “-et,” meaning little or small and there you have it: midget.

Anyway, they want the word eliminated from the American broadcasting lexicon, and the FCC will, in all likelihood, acquiesce to their wishes. I am not aware of what substitute they would like, but I have heard “dwarf” is out of the question, its Merriam-Webster synonym status notwithstanding. According to Little People of America (a non-profit organization begun in 1957 that may be behind the petition,) dwarfism is a “medical or genetic condition that usually results in an adult height of [roughly] four feet seven inches or shorter.”

This all came to mind the other day when a former colleague reminded me of the time many years ago when the radio station we were working for received a citation from the FCC because I had used the word “martini” on the air. I think I made some casual (and unoriginal) remark at the end of the show that I wanted to “hurry home, get out of these wet clothes, and into a dry martini.” Possibly someone from the local temperance union who was unfamiliar with Robert Benchley went into apoplexy and contacted the FCC.

The result was that I received a memo from the front office informing me the citation carried a stern warning (first offence.) If it happened again, there would be a substantial fine (deductible from my unsubstantial salary,) and the third malfeasance would result in my dismissal. All because of the word “martini.”

I have often pondered the significance of this. What is it about “martini” that would corrupt my listeners? Of course, a martini is most certainly a cocktail—ah, perhaps there’s the rub! CockTail. What mean ribaldry have I been so bold to blather?

No, that can’t be it. James Hogg wrote in 1821: “Cock up your beaver and cock it fu’ sprush . . . ” I thought of reciting the entire poem the next day, but our general manager, Paul Louther, talked me out if it.

And what about Shakespeare? How many citations would he have received for “Taming of the Shrew” had the Globe been tethered to a Saturday afternoon with Milton Cross and the Texaco Theater?

Petruccio: Come, come, you wasp, i’faith you are too angry.
Katherine: If I be waspish, best beware my sting.
Petruccio: My remedy is then to pluck it out.
Katherine: Ay, if the fool could find where it lies.
Petruccio: Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail.
Katherine: In his tongue.
Petruccio: Whose tongue?
Katherine: Yours, if you talk of tales, and so farewell.
Petruccio: What, with my tongue in your tail?

With puns like these abounding o’er the footlights, it’s no wonder G.B. Shaw coined the word “Bardologist” for anyone taken in by and admiring the works of ol’ Bill. Shaw himself, while appreciating the craft of Shakespeare’s poetic theatrics, was not a fan. In fact, he called him a “narrow-minded, middle-class man.” According to a report in The London Chronicle (in 1905) Shaw said, “Shakespeare the writer was not God. Shakespeare the man was not an illiterate, good-for-nothing blackguard. Both were comprised in a thorough middle-class gentleman of my own profession.”

So there. No more maligned midgets and no more mundane martinis. I’m going to ring for my four foot, five-inch houseboy and request he bring me a martini. Three parts Tanqueray; a droplet of Dolin Dry. Shaken, not stirred (or is it the other way around?)

Comments (1)

More Blogs by Robert A. Mills
• LINKLETTER - Friday, January 30, 2015
• HOUSE - Wednesday, January 21, 2015
• POT - Sunday, January 18, 2015
• LINKLETTER - Wednesday, January 14, 2015
• ALS - Sunday, January 11, 2015
• GEORGIA 11 - Thursday, January 8, 2015
• GEORGIA - Wednesday, January 7, 2015
• SUPERMAN PT. 11 - Saturday, January 3, 2015
• SUPERMAN PT. 1 - Wednesday, December 31, 2014
• XMAS - Sunday, December 28, 2014
• PBS - Wednesday, December 24, 2014
• BICUSPIDS - Wednesday, December 17, 2014
• STEPS - Saturday, December 13, 2014
• MONDAY - Thursday, December 11, 2014
• MONDAY - Thursday, December 11, 2014
• WEEK - Sunday, December 7, 2014
• SBOW PT. 11-Thursday Dec, 4, 2014 - Friday, December 5, 2014
• COSHOCTON - Saturday, November 29, 2014
• SNOW - Wednesday, November 26, 2014
• 22nd - Saturday, November 22, 2014
• OLD - Wednesday, November 19, 2014
• PHILIP - Saturday, November 15, 2014
• OLD - Wednesday, November 12, 2014
• [POINTS - Saturday, November 8, 2014
• NORVIEW - Tuesday, November 4, 2014
• NORVIEW - Tuesday, November 4, 2014
• BALLOON - Saturday, November 1, 2014
• GENES - Wednesday, October 29, 2014
• CONCORDE ll - Saturday, October 25, 2014
• NEW JERSEY - Wednesday, October 22, 2014
• CLEAN - Saturday, October 18, 2014
• SOLUTION - Wednesday, October 15, 2014
• RUNNINGBACK – SAT – Oct 11 - Saturday, October 11, 2014
• PART TWO of FLORENTINE - Saturday, October 4, 2014
• CONCORDE - Saturday - Saturday, October 4, 2014
• FLORENTINE - Wed - Part One - Wednesday, October 1, 2014
• MEYHODITS - Saturday, September 27, 2014
• SPENCERPORT - Wednesday, September 24, 2014
• ELLIE - Saturday, September 20, 2014
• BLANK - Wednesday, September 17, 2014
• JOAN - Wednesday, September 10, 2014
• BIRDS - Saturday, September 6, 2014
• NAPOLEON - Wednesday, September 3, 2014
• NPR - Saturday, August 30, 2014
• ALS - Wednesday, August 27, 2014
• 2 - Saturday, August 23, 2014
• 70! - Wednesday, August 20, 2014
• USSR - Saturday, August 16, 2014
• MOSQUE - Wednesday, August 13, 2014
• HANDS - Saturday, August 9, 2014
• TEETH - Wednesday, August 6, 2014
• COVENTRY - Saturday, August 2, 2014
• BICHON - Wednesday, July 30, 2014
• PLS - Saturday, July 26, 2014
• HOCKEY - Saturday, July 19, 2014
• WXIA - Wednesday, July 16, 2014
• SAM - Saturday, July 12, 2014
• FOOTBALL - Wednesday, July 9, 2014
• AUNTIE - Saturday, July 5, 2014
• FAME - Wednesday, July 2, 2014
• JACKIE - Saturday, June 28, 2014
• WILL - Wednesday, June 25, 2014
• BRIT - Saturday, June 21, 2014
• HOLCOMB-Wed-June 18, 2014- - Wednesday, June 18, 2014
• PREMATURE - June 14, 2014 - Saturday, June 14, 2014
• MAYO - Saturday, June 7, 2014
• SHAW - Wednesday, June 4, 2014
• LEXOPHILES - May 31, 2014 - Saturday, May 31, 2014
• RED - Wednesday, May 28, 2014
• berle - Saturday, May 24, 2014
• HALO - Wednesday, May 21, 2014
• MINIE- May 17, 2014 - Saturday, May 17, 2014
• CHRISTMAS - MAY 14, 2014 (Wed)) - Wednesday, May 14, 2014
• BIRDS - May 10 - Saturday, May 10, 2014
• APRIL - May 7, 2014 - Wednesday, May 7, 2014
• FRANCES & FRIENDS - May 3 - Saturday, May 3, 2014
• TEAPOT - Saturday, April 26, 2014
• SKIERS - Saturday, April 19, 2014
• FDR - Tuesday, April 15, 2014
• WIZARD - Saturday, April 5, 2014
• ELEVEN – March 22, 2014 (edited) - Wednesday, April 2, 2014
• DUKE - Saturday, March 29, 2014
• ELEVEN - Saturday, March 22, 2014
• GOBBY - Sunday, March 16, 2014
• CONFESSION - Saturday, March 1, 2014
• DRAGON - Saturday, February 22, 2014
• KUERIG + FURTHERMORE II + FURTHERMORE III - Saturday, February 15, 2014
• CATHY - Saturday, February 8, 2014
• OMAHA + FURTHERMORE - Saturday, February 1, 2014
• LINCOLN - Saturday, January 25, 2014
• MATH - Saturday, January 18, 2014
• WHAT? - Saturday, January 11, 2014
• PIG - Saturday, January 4, 2014
• NANA - Saturday, December 28, 2013
• JEWS - Saturday, December 21, 2013
• LUCIFER - Saturday, December 14, 2013
• PEARL - Saturday, December 7, 2013
• CARILLON - Saturday, November 30, 2013
• ASSASSINATION - Sunday, November 24, 2013
• VETERANS - Saturday, November 16, 2013
• ABSCESSED - Saturday, November 9, 2013
• AGENDA & WHOLESALE - Saturday, November 2, 2013
• HEADLINES - Saturday, October 26, 2013
• OAHU - Saturday, October 12, 2013
• BAD - Saturday, October 5, 2013
• MATH - Saturday, September 28, 2013
• YARD - Saturday, September 21, 2013
• ENGLISH - Saturday, September 14, 2013
• ECSTACY - Saturday, September 7, 2013
• LABOR - Saturday, August 31, 2013
• SPORTS - Saturday, August 24, 2013
• FAIR - Sunday, August 18, 2013
• PANIC - Saturday, August 10, 2013
• JEFFERSON - Saturday, August 3, 2013
• GERTE - Saturday, July 27, 2013
• GRACE - Saturday, July 20, 2013
• PLS - Saturday, July 13, 2013
• BROOKS - Saturday, July 6, 2013
• DVDs - Saturday, June 29, 2013
• WEDDING & SCOTT - Saturday, June 22, 2013
• FREEZER - Saturday, June 15, 2013
• BASILIO - Saturday, June 8, 2013
• CARUSO - Saturday, June 1, 2013
• EXPERT - Saturday, May 25, 2013
• CANTANKEROUS - Saturday, May 18, 2013
• BOATS - Saturday, May 11, 2013
• BALANCE - Saturday, May 4, 2013
• USPS - Saturday, April 27, 2013
• TAXES - Saturday, April 20, 2013
• AUDITION - Saturday, April 13, 2013
• NASHVILLE - Saturday, April 6, 2013
• BOXER - Saturday, March 30, 2013
• COLUMNS - Monday, March 25, 2013
• VIETNAM - Saturday, March 16, 2013
• ΣAM - Saturday, March 9, 2013
• WHOA! - Saturday, March 2, 2013
• TWO - Saturday, February 23, 2013
• QUITTER - bonus - Tuesday, February 19, 2013
• GHOSTS - Saturday, February 16, 2013
• VALENTINE - Wednesday, February 13, 2013
• FBI - Saturday, February 9, 2013
• WOOLLEY - Saturday, February 2, 2013
• GRUMPY - Saturday, January 26, 2013
• FORMAL - Saturday, January 19, 2013
• PATTY - Saturday, January 12, 2013
• OFFENDED - Saturday, January 5, 2013
• LOVE - Saturday, December 29, 2012
• CHRISTMAS - Wednesday, December 26, 2012
• PEPE - Saturday, December 22, 2012
• TIME - Saturday, December 15, 2012
• TIME - Saturday, December 15, 2012
• UGA - Saturday, December 8, 2012
• MASS - Saturday, December 1, 2012
• SLF - Saturday, November 24, 2012
• THANKSGIVING- a bonus column - Wednesday, November 21, 2012
• ASSASSINATION - Saturday, November 17, 2012
• POLL - Saturday, November 10, 2012
• YOGI - Wednesday, November 7, 2012
• VOTE - Saturday, November 3, 2012
• REACH - Saturday, October 27, 2012
• WASTELAND - Saturday, October 20, 2012
• 58% - Saturday, October 13, 2012
• WACKO - Saturday, October 6, 2012
• REVIST - Thursday, October 4, 2012
• DEBATE - An addendum - Wednesday, October 3, 2012
• CRASH - Saturday, September 29, 2012
• VEEP - Saturday, September 22, 2012
• BUGLE - Saturday, September 15, 2012
• DELTA - Saturday, September 8, 2012
• ANNIVERSARY - Saturday, September 1, 2012
• INCA DINKA DO - Saturday, August 25, 2012
• METH - Saturday, August 18, 2012
• PHELPS - Saturday, August 11, 2012
• UPDATE EXTRA - Wednesday, August 8, 2012
• CHICKEN - Saturday, August 4, 2012
• OLYMPICS - a review - Tuesday, July 31, 2012
• SUMMERTIME - Saturday, July 28, 2012
• SHOOT! - Saturday, July 21, 2012
• PUN - Saturday, July 14, 2012
• DECISION - Saturday, July 7, 2012
• FREE - Saturday, June 30, 2012
• EXTRA! - Thursday, June 28, 2012
• ANNIVERSARY - Saturday, June 23, 2012
• REHEARSAL - Saturday, June 16, 2012
• BELMONT - Saturday, June 9, 2012
• 1% - Saturday, June 2, 2012
• DERIVATIVES - Saturday, May 26, 2012
• MEDICARE - Saturday, May 19, 2012
• CRIME! - Saturday, May 12, 2012
• POTTER - Saturday, May 5, 2012
• BUCKHOUSE - Saturday, April 28, 2012
• SOX! - Saturday, April 21, 2012
• SOL - Saturday, April 14, 2012
• CONTEST! - Saturday, April 7, 2012
• JUSTICE! - Saturday, March 31, 2012
• SUITS! - Saturday, March 24, 2012
• BOBBYS - Saturday, March 17, 2012
• NUNDA FUN DAYS – PT II - Saturday, March 10, 2012
• NUNDA FUN DAYS - PART 1 - Saturday, March 3, 2012
• HUTSON IS ONE! - Thursday, February 23, 2012
• TôT OU TARD! - Saturday, February 18, 2012
• MINE! - Saturday, February 11, 2012
• SOUP! - Saturday, February 4, 2012
• BUCK STOP - Saturday, January 28, 2012
• FOLLIES - Saturday, January 21, 2012
• MISFITS - Saturday, January 14, 2012
• MOHS - Saturday, January 7, 2012
• GOODBYE! - Saturday, December 31, 2011
• CITY SLICKERS -- Week of Dec 24 - Saturday, December 24, 2011
• HEADLINES - Saturday, December 17, 2011
• FIRE! - Saturday, December 10, 2011
• YEP, THE SKY IS FALLING! - Saturday, December 3, 2011
• HOBNAIL BOOTS - Saturday, November 26, 2011
• GIRL o’ WAR - Saturday, November 19, 2011
• CAIN IS NOT ABEL - Saturday, November 12, 2011
• JOHNNY CAN’T READ - Saturday, November 5, 2011
• HOLY SMOKE! - Saturday, October 29, 2011
• CELL PHONE - Saturday, October 22, 2011
• 60 MINUTES - Saturday, October 15, 2011
• BANKS CLOSED - Saturday, October 8, 2011
• ANNUAL PHYSICAL - Saturday, October 1, 2011
• A T W IN 80 MINUTES - Saturday, September 24, 2011
• HUTSON! - Saturday, September 17, 2011
• A TIME TO REMEMBER - Saturday, September 10, 2011
• TOMB AT ARLINGTON - Saturday, September 3, 2011
• GUNFIGHT AT DODGE CITY - Saturday, August 27, 2011
• NOTHNAGLE - Saturday, August 20, 2011
• A CLUTTERED BELFRY - Saturday, August 13, 2011
• CFS, FOR SHORT - Saturday, August 6, 2011
• THE MINSTREL SHOW - Saturday, July 30, 2011
• BIRTHDAY BOY RIDES (MARTA) AGAIN - Saturday, July 23, 2011
• KNOCK, KNOCK! WHO’S THERE? DEATH! - Saturday, July 16, 2011
• COMMENCEMENT - Saturday, July 9, 2011
• 234th 4th OF JULY - Saturday, July 2, 2011
• MIDNIGHT RIDE OF BOORTZ/DUPREE - Saturday, June 25, 2011
• OH, MY PAPA (& MAMA, TOO) . . . - Saturday, June 18, 2011
• ROLLING STONES - Saturday, June 11, 2011
• I DOUBLE D’AIR YA! - Saturday, June 4, 2011
• WOW—SUM BEACH - Monday, May 30, 2011
• GRAMP ON THE TOWN - Saturday, May 21, 2011
• THE UNSOCIABLE NETWORK - Saturday, May 14, 2011
• DING DONG, THE WICKED SUMBITCH IS DEAD - Saturday, May 7, 2011
• KATE PLUS MATE - Saturday, April 30, 2011
• GOP IS TRUMPED - Monday, April 25, 2011
• SNIFFING JOCKS IN ATLANTA - Saturday, April 16, 2011
• BOEHNER BLINKED - Saturday, April 9, 2011
• ROY ROGERS - Saturday, April 2, 2011
• SWEAT MORE, BLEED LESS - Saturday, March 26, 2011
• HE STILL DESERVES BETTER - Saturday, March 19, 2011
• AFTRA & EARTHQUAKES - Saturday, March 12, 2011
• ALEX IN WONDERLAND - Saturday, March 5, 2011
• THE OSCARS - 2011 - Wednesday, March 2, 2011
• FIRST BIRTHDAY, PART THREE - Thursday, February 24, 2011
• FIRST BIRTHDAY, PART II - Tuesday, February 22, 2011
• MY FIRST BIRTHDAY - Saturday, February 19, 2011
• IDES OF FEB, MINUS ONE DAY - Saturday, February 12, 2011
• FUN AT THE ICE PALACE - Saturday, February 5, 2011
• VACATION FROM HELL - Saturday, January 29, 2011
• BARBERSTOWN CASTLE - Saturday, January 22, 2011
• TRYING TO TAKE TUCSON – a bonus blog - Wednesday, January 19, 2011
• THE “BOBBYS” - Saturday, January 15, 2011
• POLITICS 101 - Saturday, January 8, 2011
• THE SNOWS OF KILIMANGEORGIA - Saturday, January 1, 2011
• WRITER'S CRAMP - Saturday, December 25, 2010
• BELLS ON CHRISTMAS DAY - Saturday, December 18, 2010
• PATTY ROBERTS, Part Two - Wednesday, December 15, 2010
• SECRET SANTA - Saturday, December 11, 2010
• PATTY ROBERTS - Thursday, December 9, 2010
• GETTING MY GOAT(EE) - Saturday, December 4, 2010
• IN FLIMFLAMS FIELDS . . . - Saturday, November 27, 2010
• PLYMOUTH ROCKS - Saturday, November 20, 2010
• LACED FOR ACTION - Saturday, November 13, 2010
• PEER PRESSURE - Saturday, November 6, 2010
• POLL CATS - Saturday, October 30, 2010
• FRIENDS - Saturday, October 23, 2010
• MY COUSIN DOUGIE - Saturday, October 16, 2010
• LOBSTER POTTED - Sunday, October 10, 2010
• A PRECIOUS GOLDEN BOBBY - Thursday, September 30, 2010
• THE KING IS DEAD (or at least in his throes) - Saturday, September 25, 2010
• STAND PAT - Saturday, September 18, 2010
• EGGS ROSAKOVIA - Saturday, September 11, 2010
• POLL CATS - Saturday, September 4, 2010
• KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE - Saturday, August 28, 2010
• (Bonus Blog) BUT WHO’S COUNTING? - Wednesday, August 25, 2010
• PEANUTS AND CRACKER JACKS - Saturday, August 21, 2010
• LUCKY STRIKE GREEN - Saturday, August 14, 2010
• AMERICARE vs. OBAMACARE - Saturday, August 7, 2010
• THE MAN WHO WOULD (temporarily) BE PRESIDENT - Saturday, July 31, 2010
• THE WEDDING - Saturday, July 24, 2010
• BUTTERFLIES ARE HAPPY - Saturday, July 17, 2010
• HATTERS ARE MAD - Saturday, July 10, 2010
• WHAT DOES THE BOSTON TEA PARTY AND THE REPUBLICAN TEA PARTY HAVE IN COMMON? - Friday, July 2, 2010
• MILQUETOAST HEADLINES - Saturday, June 26, 2010
• JAMIE DUPREE DESERVES BETTER - Saturday, June 19, 2010
• WHAT BARACK OBAMA AND HELEN THOMAS HAVE IN COMMON - Saturday, June 12, 2010
• GRANDNIECE LEIGH IS OFF TO HONDURAS - Saturday, June 5, 2010
• MEMORIAL HOLE-IN-ONE - Saturday, May 29, 2010
• GRANDNIECE EMILY GRADUATES - Wednesday, May 26, 2010
• THE MOON IS ROQUEFORT - Saturday, May 22, 2010
• LENO VS. O’BRIEN – TEMPEST IN A TV POT - Saturday, May 15, 2010