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MOVIES ARE BETTER THAN EVER (?) 8/14/2009 5:57:46 AM
Movies are better than ever. So they say, but somehow I remain unconvinced. That may be because I rarely see them; I almost never go to what is called a “popcorn theater.”
On occasion I will rent a movie from Blockbuster, On Demand or TiVo (Amazon.) Sometimes I will watch an oldie but goodie on TCM or Bravo or someplace high up on the cable spectrum. But it’s against my nature to pay ten dollars+ to sit in a “popcorn theater” (albeit in a remarkably comfortable lounge chair) with a bunch of noisy, hacking, sneezing, grunting, gurgling, babbling strangers who would never be allowed on my deck, let alone inside my house.
Aside from the company of my immediate family, there is little “theater” activity I truly enjoy, and there is no way I will grudgingly go to a movie unless it’s with my wife, son or daughters. And now that the last of the progeny is married and gone . . . well, it has to be something Chris, whose artistic tastes somewhat parallel my own, cannot live without seeing.
There are some people who say, “If you don’t see it on the big screen, it isn’t worth seeing.” They are about 50% right. Any movie that is well-written, well-acted, well-directed and well-photographed is as enjoyable on a cell phone as it is on a 65 foot screen with Dolby Surround Sound. If you disagree, you probably are addicted to poorly written, poorly acted, poorly directed and poorly photographed movies that are not worth a tenth of the ticket price, and you’re among the millions who support the curious product Hollywood exports.
I have a surprise for you: movies are not better than ever. Your standards are so decimated by creative maggots that you only think they are. Blame the wizardry of special effects. Blame the emotional response to frenetic music from a cacophonous snake pit, the adrenalin surge of idiotic car chases and cliff-hanging, the unbridled and silly fever of passionate, adulterous and licentious romance, uncontrolled savagery, gutter and ghetto language, indifferent moral lassitude and interminable explosions and fireballs that make comic books seem like Bible study.
Blame TV. The demise of quality movies occurred at the same time the TV producer became the arbiter elegantiarum of our tastes in drama, comedy, music, documentaries and news. The advent of the half-hour situation comedy was the dune buggy custom-made to deliver us to what a former FCC chairman, Newton Minow, aptly and prophetically labeled in 1961 “a vast wasteland.”
A.O. Scott, in his thoughtful New York Times essay, summed it up beautifully when he wrote “a movie that people will go and see, almost as if they had no choice, is a safer business proposition than one they may have to bother thinking about. In this respect “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is exemplary. It brilliantly stymies reflection, thwarts argument, arrests intelligent response. The most interesting thing about the movie — apart from Megan Fox’s outfits, I suppose — is that it has made nearly $400 million domestically. . . .There is nothing else to say. Any further discussion — say about whether it’s a good movie or not — sounds quaint, old-fashioned, passé. Get a clue, grandpa. . . .Or go see “Up,” the only hugely successful movie of the summer that engages genuinely adult themes. It’s about loss, frustration, disappointment. And it offers one of the season’s most pointed and paradoxical lessons. If you want to make a mature film for mature audiences, make sure it’s a cartoon.”
Honestly, when was the last time you saw a movie that told a story about people who overcame real problems to achieve something of genuine value? What was the last movie made that propelled you from the theater with a feeling that maybe life was worth living after all? Can you recall the last time you actually discussed a movie’s merits after watching real actors recite lines in dialogue similar to meaningful conversations you may have had—using words common to your ear that heightened awareness without offending sensibilities—a movie that made you laugh at everyday situations that did not take place in a bedroom or bathroom?
I don’t think many of the current crop of crap offered at your local Sinapex 500 (or music played on most radio stations) can fill the bill. On the latter, when we relinquished John Steinbeck and Budd Schulberg for Sherwood Schwartz and Garry Marshall, we simultaneously bade farewell to Cole Porter and Richard Rodgers, preferring Bill Haley and Michael Jackson.
But so what? Unless you have the gross maturity of the average teenager, today’s movie/music menu is rated R—Restricted to the uneducated and undeveloped cerebral responses of titillation, or simply rated G for Garbage, designed to garner billions of dollars worldwide while satisfying the already confused id of the terminally prepubescent.
Just answer me one question—when will they make the sequel that responds to the age-old question: what did happen to Clarence and his tinkling Christmas tree ornament?
2 more answers to Life’s Most Critical Questions:
What are the only two vegetables that can live to re-produce on their own for several growing seasons?
Asparagus and rhubarb
What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
Strawberries
