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A CUP OF TEA 4/17/2010 6:20:21 AM
In 1994 Paul Newman appeared in a movie with Jessica Tandy, a movie based on a novel by Richard Russo called NOBODY’S FOOL. It was good cinema—not great—but Newman had one line I will always remember: “Not now, not ever.”
That was his response, as it for years has been mine, whenever asked if he’d like a cup of tea.
I think it was my English grandmother who turned me off to the beverage. Grandma always had to have a cup of tea at about four o’clock every afternoon, and she insisted I join her—once I attained the legal tea drinking age of seven.
Grandma passed away in the early ‘60s, and I was released from tea bondage until I met my present wife. An aficionado of the brew, she trapped me into sharing the tepid repast with her regularly, and in the interests of romance, I acquiesced.
That was many years ago. Because time heals all wounds, the era of habitual tea-worship dissipated and did not raise its herbal head again until my mother-in-law moved in with us is 1995. This woman’s addiction to tea could withstand the rehabilitation efforts of the most dedicated of therapists. I was ensnared—until I rented NOBODY’S FOOL and heard Newman reiterate my mantra “not now, not ever” whenever Jessica Tandy (or anyone) offered him a cup of tea. Now, having said it myself twenty-two thousand, seven hundred, sixty-one times, nobody offers me a cup anymore. Free at last, thank God, I’m . . .
At least, I thought I was.
The other day a friend called and asked if I’d like to accompany him to a ‘tea party’ on April 15th ? I started to say “not now, not ever” when I realized he’d said “party,” not cup of. “What’s a ‘tea party’?” I asked. “You mean like in ‘Alice in Wonderland’?”
“No, you old fool!” he explained. “I’m talking about a bunch of American patriots who get together to take back our country from the looters and moochers. We’re going to meet at the State Capitol building downtown and let our voices be heard, let freedom ring! You better come with me.”
“Okay,” I said, “so long as I don’t have to drink any tea.”
When we got there, the place was teeming with people, mostly men, mostly white, mostly thirty years younger than I. “Man,” I noted, “you get a lot of people to these things!” My friend shook his head. “Had more last time. I don’t know where everyone is.”
A matronly lady in a huge hat and heavy makeup approached me. “You have no sign,” she said. I disagreed. “Not true,” I replied. “I’m Cancer, the Crab.” She shook her bluish head. “Not that kind of sign. You need one of these.” She indicated one of the three posters she carried. “You need to wave one of these when the liberal biased media TV cameras come your way.”
One she offered me was a composite of likenesses of three dead Russian leaders—Marx, Lenin and Stalin—with President Barack Obama in the foreground and similarly dressed. The caption in Old High German font read THE UNITED STATES OF COMMUNIST SOCIALISM.” Another was a portrait of Mr.Obama in a Nazi uniform and sporting a marker-penned ‘Adolph Hitler mustache’ on his upper lip. “I don’t think so,” I said. “What else you got?”
She showed me a rather simple poster and all it said was OBAMA – MADDOW - OLBERMAN: WE THOUGHT POLYGAMY WAS ILLEGAL.
“Now, that’s funny!” I giggled. “But I pass. Thanks, anyway.” My friend shook his head. “You oughta have something to wave,” he said. “We’re gonna go see Neil Cavuto do his radio show.”
“Who?”
There were a number of speakers mounting the podium, but the most fascinating was Virginia Lamp—Mrs. Clarence Thomas, wife of the famous Supreme Court Justice. I learned she is a consultant to the Heritage Foundation and an eloquent speaker—no Michele Obama, however—but she got my attention when I found out that she had not only started the ‘tea party’ movement but had once argued against ‘comparable-worth’ legislation which would have mandated pay for women be equal to that of men in jobs were judged to be "comparable." Hmmm. I may have lost interest when I discovered that while working for Rep. Dick Armey as a policy analyst, she collected résumés for ‘potential presidential appointments’ in the George W. Bush administration. Double hmmm.
I thought I was on to something until I remembered His Honor Clarence Thomas was nominated for the Supreme Court by George H. W. Bush and narrowly confirmed by 52-48 senate votes, the closest margin ever in the 20th century.
I had hoped Mrs. Thomas would talk about judicial review and how the Supreme Court would not just “call strikes and balls,” as Chief Justice Roberts has asserted, but actually interpret what the Founding Fathers had in mind when they constructed the U.S. Constitution in the first place. I wish Prof. Geoffrey Stone of the University of Chicago had been invited to speak, perhaps in the same vein as when he wrote in the New York Times “ . . . we need to consider why we give courts the power of judicial review — the power to hold laws unconstitutional. . . . Although the framers thought democracy to be the best system of government, they recognized that it was imperfect. One flaw that troubled them was the risk that prejudice or intolerance on the part of the majority might threaten the liberties of a minority. . . . It was therefore essential . . . for judges, whose life tenure insulates them from the demands of the majority, to serve as the guardians of our liberties . . . against every encroachment upon our most cherished freedoms. Conservative judges often stand this idea on its head.”
The most entertaining speaker, however, was a fellow with the improbable name of Herman Cain (no relation to Michael Caine) who arrived by way of WSB Talk Radio and held me spellbound for ¾ of an hour with stories of his role as a commentator for Fox while cranking out a syndicated column about his ‘Hermantor's Intelligent Thinkers Movement’—a group which has the same acronym as the mafia’s Hit Men International (HITM)—actually, it’s supposed to be a non-partisan force focused loosely on gathering 100,000 like-minds across the country in every congressional district to support 1.) the Fair Tax, 2.) tax cuts, 3.) a resilient national defense, 4.) energy savior-fare, 5.) capping and curtailing government spending, 6.) restructuring Social Security, 7.) standing up for the U.S. Constitution—I can’t remember what 8 thru 26 were, but I assure you, they were important.
On more than one occasion he made a profound statement resulting in a spontaneous State of the Union-type ovation that made me wish I had a poster to wave.
When it was all over—well after dark (I asked my friend why is was called ‘after dark’ when in reality it was ‘after light’?)—my friend invited me to join him at the Ritz-Carlton to meet some of the revelers in person and have a drink.
“Maybe Mr. Cain and Mrs. Thomas will be there,” he taunted me, “and you guys can butt heads.”
“I rather just have a Sam Adams.”
“Or maybe,” he chuckled, “a cup of tea?”
I started to reply in my best Paul Newman imitation, but then I thought why waste it?
