I was sure that I had finally found
A group that I could trust
To be the largest of its kind around
Infectious to a fault and thus

When I would the dictionary open
And look to the word ‘conspiracy’
I would in the meaning see them
Listed as definition for me

For 'they' had invented Amway
And the Obama craze as well
They had turned the world against Hillary
And sent McCain to...Arizona

They had timed the release of hula hoops
And recalled toys with leaden paints
They killed the bees in chicken coops
And elected the last seven saints

They put seat belts in foreign cars
Before the foreigners knew they did
And even put them in stools in bars
And so they banned our kids

Deciding twenty-one made far more sense
Than eighteen for certainly sure
And though this could make once wince
Sent them off as sober to fight the war

They divided our country in to colors red and blue
But refused to do away with politicians of any kind
So regardless of flag or standing or hue
They tell us we’re making progress (as we get left behind)

They've raised the price of gasoline
Seems like each and every day
For their true profits are really lean
Since they euro not; in dollars they do play

They did away with Ireland a hundred years ago
With a large land eraser, you see
(Scotland’s the next to go)
But who really cares—its way across the sea

They gave us the Bill and Al show
‘Til its contract did run out
So George filled in with re-runs, though
They never liked his clout

So, I went to the dictionary
On dictionary dot com
And there found in its pictionary
This conspiratorial atom bomb

They are now into earthquake sensoring
Measuring the smalls ones first
And into those who’ll listen, convincing
The really big one would never dare be the worst