There’s a mood of discontent
on the Orthopaedic Ward,
The stirrings of a mutiny
among patients that are bored,
"It’s time to get away from here"
said one, "lets have a bit of fun."
"I’m hungry" said another, "I need
some decent food in my tum."
So with some forward planning
the mass escape began,
One by one and two by two, they
slipped away, to the last man.
Some shuffled along
on Zimmer frames or crutches,
While others in wheelchairs are anxious to avoid nurses clutches!
Down through the glass tunnel
looking for a way out,
Take the elevator to the ground floor
and hope there’s no one about.
But a Porter spots them
and tries to turn them back,
Into the linen closet he’s locked as
the patients surround him and attack!
Then they race for the door
and disperse in small groups,
heading for the car park and
down the avenue they troop.
Now the Doctors and Nurses
find all their patients are gone,
and start searching the hospital hoping no one will realise what’s wrong!
But the panic has started
and the alarm has been raised,
Local Radio puts out an alert,
The announcer sounds so amazed,
"Patients gone missing –
hospital’s great mass escape,
seems they complained about food
and they’re fed up with grapes!"
A policeman on his beat
reports them heading for town,
Calls for reinforcements, "I can’t
arrest them all" says he with a frown.
The patients escape once again
and take off through the park,
where it’s easier to hide
now the night is getting dark!
I heard they were last spotted
eating at a beach front café,
A meal they’d demanded at the
point of a crutch, so they say!
Fish, chips and mushy peas all round
and bread spread with butter,
followed by puddings and big pots of tea,
far better than hospital grub they mutter!
It seems they were then overheard
discussing a trip to a pub,
then onwards to paint the old town red
before ending up at some nightclub!

Jackie S Brooks
28 October 2003