Some of my humorous poems.

Sheep In Drag From Outer Space
c. Sara L. Russell 16 March 1998
From Pinky's Little Book of Shadows
Kedco Studios Artist Profile Press

They never saw the silent forms
sliding through the midnight sky
they did not hear the thunderstorms
they never knew that sheep could fly
they slept full soundly through it all
as the ships came down in a sheltered place
amidst a group of pine trees tall;
The Sheep In Drag From Outer Space.

Doc Bleating put his helmet on
and thigh-high boots over his hooves
and a silver dress that brightly shone
as he looked out over the village rooves
where wood smoke curled from chimneys grey
and small cats tiptoed over the tiles
and he thought of his home, light years away
and his face was lost between tears and smiles.

He gathered his team of Rams In Heels
(all kitted out in tulle and silk)
and they ate the hastiest of meals -
powdered protein in ewe's milk.
Then they minced off, with work to do:
to set the simple Earth sheep free,
to dress with taste, in pastures new,
away from farming's slavery.

The simple Earth sheep little knew
what the long night held in store
- that they had become the Chosen Few
to wander wild for evermore,
until the barn doors opened wide
and Doc Bleating let out a yell,
"I have come to save your hide!
To save you from this living hell!"

The sheep looked up with a worried "baaa",
he'd caused their bovine minds to reel.
They'd never seen a ram in a bra,
wearing stilletto boots of steel,
with silver earrings in horns and ears,
with powdered face and pouting lip.
One whispered "Guys, I've known for years
they put cocaine in the sheep dip."

The others quietly edged away
out of the barn towards the stream
but Doc Bleating had more to say
He raised his voice, "I have a DREAM,
of a time when sheep no longer go
like LAMBS to SLAUGHTER, blindly led
but be BRAVE and STRONG, and so
no longer take the LIES you're fed"

But Bleating's words on Earth sheep ears
were like pearls cast out to swine
then, to confirm his darkest fears
he snagged his fishnets on a vine
and as the sheep went far and wide
He called his Rams in Heels to heel,
to fly back home in a sulky glide,
and what a d***head he did feel.

THE END


Beauty Parlour Blues
c. Sara Russell, June '98

One day, at the beauty parlour,
Miss Betty Bea Vanilla
found herself in the waiting room
with a large, depressed gorilla.

"What are you in for?" she asked,
as if nothing were amiss.
The gorilla sighed as it replied:
"Electrolysis".


Vegetate
c. Sara L. Russell

Lettuce not vegetate
lest tomorrow comes too late
for potatoes couched complacently upon the fence of fate.
Olive each moment fast,
for moments never last;
peel out of your shell too late and find your chance has passed.

Is it mere bravado
to play Devil's Avocado?
One might be booed, or pelted with an over-ripe tomato,
but though my skin may bruise
I would rather take abuse
- I have my raisins for revolt and blanch not when I lose.

Lettuce not vegetate
nor ever hesitate
when sour grapes wine, as odd-ones-out in crudité debate.
for if one does not stir,
stagnation may occur
and not letting off steam may seem a sign that you concur.


The Dilettante
c. Sara L. Russell, August '98

A dilettante dabbled.
"It's a bit of a daub" she said, with a shrug.
"What do you think?"

I bungled and babbled.
"I - er, I quite like it" I said (like a mug).
"Is it cups, in the sink?"

She looked quite affronted.
"No, it is flowers in a bowl" she retorted
and I have to say

My judgement was stunted
and hugely embarrassed, I bought it
- then hid it away.