He checks it once–
he’s checking it twice.
He checks it thrice–
if you’re naughty or nice-bitch.

Santa Claus–
is coming down.
He’s got a big bag of shit–
for every town.

So down the chimney–
at his first stop.
Santa hits the f***in’ floor–
with a mighty red plop.

He ate your f***in’ cookies–
he drank your f***in’ milk.
He left his bag of shit–
all around the red felt.

Merry Christmas mothaf***ah–
and a Happy New Year!

So, to the next house–
with a magical dart.
Santa reached for a cookie–
and squeezed out a fart.

But, don’t you f***in’ worry–
cause he farts candy-drops.
And with a Ho-Ho-Ho–
he gave that cookie props.

Shhh, wait a minute, wait–
did you hear that?
It’s a little girl–
and she caught him in the act.

So, Santa snatched the little bitch–
then back to the shop.
Now she’s chained to the table–
trying to pick the f***in’ lock.

Merry Christmas mothaf***ah–
and a Happy New Year!