Kidnapped

I met some aliens the other night

they beamed me onto their ship

in a bright green light

it didn’t half give me a fright.

I was in the middle of something rude

on my own in the nude.

There I was shocked and stunned

caught in a spotlight like a startled rabbit

with an obscene habit

Naked, outnumbered, outgunned.

Nowhere to run nowhere to hide

I could’ve cried.

Then…

Out of the shadows the aliens appeared

tall and blue, eight arms, ten eyes

one leg, weird.

I couldn’t see their mouths

But I’m sure one of them sneered

then spoke in syllabic tones

rather like your friends’ sound

on mobile phones…

“We come in peace,” it said

“we would also like to take

some samples from your head”

I took this to be a ruse

To get me of the booze

So in my best effort to confuse

I said I hadn’t got one.

Which knocked them out of synch

I had to be quick to think

“Anyone like a drink?”

That’s got em’ thought I

“No thanks, we don’t drink and fly”

They replied.  ‘Bugger,’

I had to switch to plan no 2

Which involved me letting out

A whiffy poo, it worked too

As they promptly passed out

I gave a startled shout in my best Klingon

things were starting to go horribly wrong.

The craft had begun to lurch

and was hurtling back Earth.

In desperation I grabbed the controls

and low and behold we went into a roll

spinning faster and faster

I hit another button, bugger me if wasn’t the blaster

I saw the ground getting closer and closer

‘This is the end;’ my last thought that went through my mind

That, plus fact I still had washing on the line.

When I awoke

a man was standing over me

In a white overcoat.

“How we feeling today” he said

“Not too bad, where am I, am I dead?”

“oh no, no, no, You’ve just got

a nasty bump on your head.”

“That’s all very well” replied I.

“Do you know I’ve been kidnapped by aliens

and been for a fly”

“Of course you have” he said

strapping me tightly to the bed.

© P Williams 2005