I Breathe

Once I counted days,
which became weeks,
then months, years...
and then days again.

Once I was numb,
then felt indescribable pain,
and wished for the numbness
to return.

Once I was angry,
heartsick, devastated,
unable to understand,
and then I was angry again.

Once I cursed God and Time,
their choices, their thievery,
their hurtful decisions,
and I again wished for
the numbness to return.

Once I could not breathe,
could not think, could not feel,
could not move forward....
but then I took that first breath,
the first step,
the tiptoes of healing.

Once I counted days.
Now I count memories.
Once I mourned
with no thought toward tomorrow,
but now I cherish the time had,
the moments spent
and the memories made.

Once I felt only numbness,
and I still do at times,
but now I feel grief slowly
slipping away.
It no longer holds God
or Time accountable
and neither do I....
and once again
I breathe.