This here be the tail bout Effie La Toot,
She be a pain in the ass and a mean ole coot.
But fortune done smiled on her, she did rake in the dough,
The idee of hern millions, made hern kin love her so.
She'd bark orders and hern kin would cowtou,
She'd use a blowhorn to instruct them, shoutin," Kan Ya hears me now?"
She could squeeze a buck, till Washington would scream,
Gittin theys paws on hern money was hern kin's dream.
She'd been widdered four times, wedded to mousey men that had nothin to say,
Effie be a mean ole bitch, they up and died gest to get away.
Hern buzzard kin commensed to circle everytime she'd sneeze,
Hopin she'd pass and they'd gits theys paws on hern loot and do as they'd please.
Whenever a new suitor would come a sniffin around,
Kinfolk made dang sure, they'd disappear from town.
Hern kin wanted Effie to be theys buried treasure,
They would jump through hern hoops, givin her devotion without measure.
Effie delighted in meddlin in theys lives, gest fur fun,
At family reunions, Effie was the honored one!
When Effie sed." Jump!", hern kinfolks sed." How high?"
They always kissed hern butt, thinkin theys crafty and sly.
Effie always ate onions and liver,
She'd pass stanky gas that could make a moose quiver
It be hern delight to cut stanky cheese,
She done it round her butt kissin kin whenever she pleased.
Then one night, to hern kin's delight, Effie up and died,
Hern kin gathered and crocodile tears cried.
The whispered question" Who's got the will?"
As Effie lay in state in a box at the church upon the hill,
When hern kin looked at Effie inside the box,
What they done seen was quite a shock!
Effie's middle finger was raised in a final salute,
Also hern will leavin hern money to a Monk, named Baba Louie, that sly ole coot!

MUSIC: Mike's Blue Grass