I jerk awake, I was asleep at the wheel,
I'm risking life and limb, for a turkey meal!
Leaving home on this quest, I know I will regret,
Again from the backseat I hear," Are we there yet?"
Amid carsickness, burps, pee and poo,
Fighting, whining, I wonder," What's a Mother to do?"
Fearing irate truckers, remembering the movie, " Duel",
While praying that my bladder will hold until I stop for fuel.
We finally arrive and are assulted by air kisses and half-ass hugs,
My brother affectionately punches my husband, calling him, " Big Lug!"
My Mother sniffs me and asks," Did you just smoke?"
While Uncle Harry is trying to tell his same old stale joke.
Gramps is sitting by the fire, cuttin reeky cheese,
The stench is so powerful, it can bring you to your knees.
Aunt Trudy sits at the piano, demanding a sing-a-long,
I glance at my watch, it's just been an hour, I need to be strong!
Kids lift potlids and all say," Yuck!"
Aunt Reba's lips are now under her eyebrows, thanks to a new nip and tuck.
Uncle Tom is cussin a blue streak, he's stoned on gin,
My Nephew Ralphie is home for the holidays, fresh from the pen.
Cousin Kim is showing off her tongue ring and new tattoo,
Her hair now matches her eyes, both are baby blue.
As we gather around the table, the question is generated,
What was this stuff being served before it was incinerated.
A few spiked eggnogs makes this family gathering easier to take,
It keeps me from drowning a few family members in the lake.
After chewing a few Tums, taking aspirins and finding a quiet place to pray,
I hear the clock strike twelve, I do the dance of joy, for I have survived another Turkey Day!

MUSIC: Over The River