Thanks for the review of the Haiku's. The last two may indeed be Senryu... especially #3. I tend to think of Senryu as having a more satire or political nature than found here. But, they can also tend to deal with human conditions. I’ve studied the issue, as I'm sure you have and in my findings, I have come to the conclusion that there are as many ideas as to what makes a proper Haiku and Senryu as there are experts. As far as #3 L2, the problem probably iles in the word "stale." According to Merriam-Webster, stale is pronounced sta'l giving it 2 syllables. I'm just thankful you took the time to comment and make suggestions you felt would improve the work.
Reviewed by Bianca Boonstra (Reader)
Reviewed on April 10, 2004
The last two stanzas are actually senryu. I hope you have time to check the third stanza. You are missing one syllable in the second line.
Lori, no one reaches the depths you do with Haiku!
simply divine!
Reviewed by Mark Mahoney (Reader)
Reviewed on April 9, 2004
Each one a cracker of a write, i'd give my soul to write this well, amazing read i enjoyed them all a hell of a lot, thanks for the buzz, take care...Mark xx
Reviewed by Sheila Jones (Reader)
Reviewed on April 9, 2004
Beautiful and moving, Lori! I especially liked the third one.
"A lonely orchid
sways with cherry blossoms.
The shy breeze blushes.
Green leaf gathers dew.
Sunshine reflects their glory.
Crowns of freshness reign.
Emotions reflect.
Tears refresh my stale heart.
Yesterday is new.
Summer dies once more.
Children remain in the park.
Playtime knows no end."
Lori, I've recently become smitten with haiku - a totally new phenom. for me. Anyway, these seem to put the form to its best and most powerful use. They are wonderful. Thanks,
Reviewed by na na (Reader)
Reviewed on April 9, 2004
Lori, are you the lonely orchid? Someday you will bloom forever! Happy Easter. Bill
WHISPERS OF THE HEART is artist and author J. Allen Wilson's second book of poetry.It can be autographed and shipped within 48 hours of order. NO LONGER AVAILABLE.
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Thanks for reviews!
Love Tinka
simply divine!
"A lonely orchid
sways with cherry blossoms.
The shy breeze blushes.
Green leaf gathers dew.
Sunshine reflects their glory.
Crowns of freshness reign.
Emotions reflect.
Tears refresh my stale heart.
Yesterday is new.
Summer dies once more.
Children remain in the park.
Playtime knows no end."
Superb haiku/poetry!
Happy Easter ~
Love, Sheila
but I loved them all
William
Tears refresh my stale heart.
Yesterday is new."
brilliant writing Lori...very touching..
floria
My mind placed a child in the park as that, "Lonely Orchid."