Passing Rite (poem) by Lori L Moore on AuthorsDen

Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

Reviewed on October 1, 2004

(((lori)))

i'm in agreement--stunning first draft! i wouldn't change a thing

(((HUGS))) and love, karla. :)

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

mmm...interesting...you are using a linked verse with an odd line break...all of which works very well with this work and subject matter...and this is a first draft?
Methinks you don't need to work it much...this is outstanding the way it is.

Reviewed by jude forese

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

i like the style and images you've chosen in "Passing Rite" ... it
galvanizes the passion of darkness with a sense of perspective ...

Reviewed by Nordette Adams

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

This experiment seems to be going swimmingly. :-)
I can't comment on the content. My ex may bring up the "Bravo!" as evidence in court or something. :-O ;-) Oh, I'd never take that route. I believe in alimony.

Reviewed by Rhonda Taylor

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

Wow..we have a lot in common from reading your bio....
"Strength has come to late to take a bloodless flight".
In soul? In the physical form? Both are too much! Great insight to the way it really is, not to many really know.
Rhonda

Reviewed by Kate Burnside

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

Well, clumsy Brit is going to launch in with both tiny size UK 3's and say I LOVE THE LINE BREAKS, FORM AND COMPOSITION!!! The subject matter is so shocking and stirring that the "thin" couplets with "disjointed" endings enhances for me the over-all "chill" factor, as if the subject is still in shock and repeating the salient points to herself. Does "Crime of Passion" still exist, by the way? Or is it more "mitigating circumstances" these days? My heart truly breaks for those caught up in such situations where the only recourse is to fight violence with violence - and then possibly be punished for it: an ironic kind of peace and relief. Tragedy emphasised by the style you have chosen, I think, Lori. A ghastly rite of passage... TY Kate xx

Reviewed by Janet Parker

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

This is very good. I didn't interrupt the lines as I read it. I put them together in my mind. I went through this situation years ago. I thought about it, but am glad I didn't do it. I'd be in jail without the man of my dreams.

Reviewed by Anna Marie Fritz (Reader)

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

Like Dawn, I forgot to pay attention to the 'form' because
I was lost in the genius of this composition.
A painful truth, expressed beautifully, Lori.

Reviewed by Carmen Ruggero

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

Gripping subject -- chilling. I'm going to play devil's advocate here. The line breaks make it flow as a stream of thought which I find very interesting.

Carmen :-)

Reviewed by Dawn Richerson

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

Lori - Hey. Whew. Your content was so gripping, I personally didn't think much about the form, though I know it is different for you. Probably didn't bother me as much as I am infamous for odd line breaks... Dawn

Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader)

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

Dark and atmospheric. But reveals inner fortitude..

Reviewed by Tinka Boukes

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

Weeew! This is powerful Lori!!

Love Tinka

Reviewed by Thomas Lanechanger (Reader)

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

Lori, although the write is extremely well-penned and very thought-provoking, but I have to echo Eileen�s sentiments. I realize it�s a new style, but I believe it disrupts the enormous impact of this powerful creation. It could also be that I not the brightest bulb on the tree though. Nevertheless, the subject matter is gripping and heartwrenching, to say the least. It is an excellent piece of creative work. I did enjoy the read. Thank you for sharing it. Take care and be well.

Reviewed by Peter Paton

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

Thrilling and bloodcurdling narrative....
Unnerving and gripping style...Lori
Peter

Reviewed by Kate Clifford (Reader)

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

Very powerful write!

Reviewed by George Carroll

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

This is a wonderful poem. Well done Lori. Like the meter and rhyme in this new style, it flows smoothly.

Reviewed by C. McGovern-Bowen

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

Powerfully expressed message, Lori. Masterfully crafted verse; gripping imagery. Bravo!

Reviewed by Mr. Ed

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

An interesting style, Lori, and a most powerful write.

Reviewed by Phillip William Allen

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

Your words always display an ocean of thoughts. Each line always tends to have more than one perspective. With lots of feelings endured sewn in.

Reviewed by Lady Peg (Reader)

Reviewed on September 30, 2004

Lori,
Felt I wish it was not excellent....

LP

Reviewed by Edwin Larson

Reviewed on September 29, 2004

Inside/outside...Allegory rules...1st draft??..I'm envious..you paint a picture, I feel, that doesn't need to be over-tweaked.

Reviewed by Ron (sketchman) Axelson (Reader)

Reviewed on September 29, 2004

He should've behaved himself and loved her?
Superb Lori.......

Reviewed by Gaye Dale (Reader)

Reviewed on September 29, 2004

A sobering and chilling write! Excellent.

Reviewed by Walter Jones

Reviewed on September 29, 2004

When it ends how does work with the heart, from the cruel of joy to lacking physical abuse that ends, walks but what price the death, so well seen, so hard the path, shadows live forever, fear never covers the love, damged goods, slightly broken forever. Excellent write.. Walt

Reviewed by E T Waldron

Reviewed on September 29, 2004

A psychological thriller Lori! Superb poem! I love
the rhyme too.

Just a thought I think the
line breaks impede the flow.