This is my Halloween contribution...not funny but it was all I could come up with...I'm feeling more ghoulish than funny...

My name is Barynx but that is not important
I am a vampyre, that is of the utmost importance
No I am not like that upstart, vlad the impaler
He was only a sadist who enjoyed other’s pain
I am of the undead, one of the earliest of my kind
And my hunger is like no hunger you can imagine
My thirst unquenchable, my soullessness
Unimaginable
So spin your tales of blood and thrills
It has always been so, why should it change now
But understand me first, mortal man, before you laugh
I am destined to exist forever in this hell that is not of my creation
My hunger is for the love of a family, the kiss of a child
My thirst is for conversation, for acceptance, for life
Yes I exist at the expense of others, but it is not
It has never been blood that I crave and I drain
It is the soul, the happiness, the sorrow, the everyday routine
It is the memories of joy and even pain that I suckle
From their bodies before I leave them a husk
Empty of their humanity, as I live empty every day
For a short time I explore and relive these memories
And for a short time I feel that I once more exist
But the feelings always flee, the memories are not mine
And I can no more keep them than I could bottle
The laughter of a child, the ecstasy of a woman
So I drain every drop of life from their bodies
So that I can live for a few moments
I am worse than you imagine, mortals, you see
Blood is merely a vessel, it is you that I crave
It is you that I seek, night after night
Prowling among mortals looking for someone spilling over
With emotions, good, bad, I don’t care, as long as it is feelings
So beware, I am out here, searching
While you spin your tales of gore, guard closely your souls
They are in grave danger, as long as I exist
And I exist
forever