an attempt at rhyme...i wish i could have both rhyme and rhythm but i just can't seem to do it.
I’m afraid, it’s dark and the sounds
At night are soft and scary
Why is it night time’s monsters
Are so very big and hairy
Things like death and pain, the fear
Like something sitting on your chest
Stealing the very air you breath
Burrowing deep inside your breast
Daylight sends them scurrying away
With words so reassuring
But night brings them around once more
The nightmares reoccurring
With frightening accuracy they go
Right to the heart of things
Pulling terror from deep within
With bloody claws and bat-like wings
Go away I scream inside me
Daring though to make no sound
Hoping beyond hope that if I’m quiet
Danger will pass, I won’t be found
Where are my knights, my defenders true
When in the dark I cry and cringe
Why can’t you come and save me now
From this edge of the lunatic fringe
From this Hell of doubt and fear
In which I find myself each night
Where are my warriors I wonder now
When with these terrors I alone must fight
Where are my saviours now I cry
Where have you gone, I wonder why
But deep inside I honestly sigh
I have already told them all goodbye
The rhythmn may not be 4/4 but neither are the rhythmns of life. Listen to a Brubeck piece like "Take Five". It is not a familiar beat but it swings. So does this work.
Sue,
Yep, we all have our own monsters, once you claim them...they take leave. You are your own knight..you've slayed them quite effeciently.
At the same time, you've managed to get that rythem and flow down quite well too!
Good one!
Lisa
Reviewed by Tiana ~ (Reader)
Reviewed on July 12, 2005
I'm the same way at night, Sue, especially when I'm alone but in the daylight, bring it on, I'm not scared! ;) Great write as always!
for someone with no rhythm, you sure can dance the words around. i detected some hopefulness through the resignation of the last four lines. overall, this was a great piece, like your other work.
Night terrors can be truly powerful, as is this poem, Sue.
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton (Reader)
Reviewed on July 11, 2005
Hell of a kicker with this one, Sue. I liked the way that your played the crying game until the very end and then came to terms with the reality of the situation. Very good, and the rhyme was fine. Hey! THAT rhymed, whadda konw?
Love Tinka
Yep, we all have our own monsters, once you claim them...they take leave. You are your own knight..you've slayed them quite effeciently.
At the same time, you've managed to get that rythem and flow down quite well too!
Good one!
Lisa
respect and love,
alex
excellent in the drama department, making the fear
come to life. I too liked the finale;-)
Eileen
Felix
TRASK
Your rhyming and rhythm are fine in this one. Very well done.
(((HUGS))) and love, Karla. :(