I remember when I was born, you looking down at me in my crib thinking how amazing it was seeing yourself in me, knowing that I will make in the world and that one day I will be someone.

I remember my first puppy. Remember the one that tore my diapers off me?

I remember waking up on Christmas morning with a line of presents from my bedroom to the Christmas tree.

I remember playing in the front yard with my Tonka tucks without a care in the world.

I remember you tickling me until my laughter turned into tears

I remember being thrown close to heaven and letting gravity bring me back to your arms.

I remember you teaching me the difference between what was wrong and what was right.

I remember you telling me, “This is gonna hurt me more than it will hurt you…” then it was me who was left crying in the middle of the floor.

I remember seeing mom and you together and me feeling safe whenever you were around,

but that was way back then…

I remember you putting the bottle to your lips, promising that it would be your last.

I remember you and mom yelling at one another ending with slamming doors

I remember not hearing the sweet words “I love you” being said between you and mom ever again.

I remember wondering which one of you were going to change me.

I remember you striking your wife, my mother, like she was the enemy.

I remember the cast she wore when you broke her arm.

I remember being scared and feeling alone.

I remember us being a family,

but that was way back then…

I remember sitting in the courtroom waiting to hear who I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

I remember the birth of your second son by a woman you barely knew.

I remember you putting the blame on me when he did wrong.

I remember you hitting his mother like you did when you were with mine.

I remember her curled up on the floor screaming in agony wanting you to stop.

I remember you snatching the phone from my hands when I tried to call for help.

I remember when you used to be a man,

But that was way back then…

I remember growing older learning that you have to have faith in people and that people can change.

I remember mom being the bread winner

I remember sitting on my mother’s porch waiting for you to arrive, but all that came were broken promises.

I remember the years that went by without a Birthday or Christmas gift.

I remember you forgetting to tell me that you loved me and then me wondering if you really ever did.

I remember crying for my father, who forgot how to be a father…

I remember missing you,

But that was way back then…

I remember mom dying.

Do you remember?

She was the one you looked down upon in the coffin without a tear in your eye, holding her cold stiff hands that used to hold me, hold you, iron for you, cook for you, wash for you, clean for you…pray for you.

But that was way back then…