SOMETHING FISHY ...

I met a man, while out shopping, at the salmon counter,

he came over quite suave and quite slick,

a few weeks on from that chance encounter,

he turned out to be naught but a fanciful dick

He kissed me and hugged me the minute we met

So charming - he addressed me "Dear Madam”

But how familiar is it right for a stranger to get

When I didn’t even know him from Adam

We exchanged our phone numbers and as days went by

I waited to hear from this Casanova

But I’d text and then wait but get no reply

So before it begun, it was practically over

He finally rang and arranged that we meet

His excuse for no contact? He preferred not to text

We went for a coffee on a posh market street

Where he wasted no time saying how much he loved sex

Well, I was appalled and quite taken aback

It was far too soon to be talking that way

But he took me to lunch, at Kings Road Seafood Shack

And when the huge bill came, he was happy to pay

(80 quids-worth of food was devoured that day)

Though we chatted at lunch and duly both laughed

With the same sense of humour we shared

I got a bad vibe and I thought myself daft

I could’ve been an old boot and I don’t think he'd've cared.

He mentioned the sex thing again I had noted

He clearly had his own agenda

He was quite up front, not a thing sugar-coated

And showed himself up to be a pretender

This encounter has taught me to be somewhat wary

This chap had manners like a pen full of swine

His ulterior motives can seem somewhat scary

But in truth that’s his problem, and certainly not mine

It’s been over a week now and he’s disappeared

At his hinted intentions, I told him where to go

Asking if I was adventurous - far too forward I feared

And on that score the arse’ole will now never know