Davros the Dalek leader
Had evolved to a very high plane
With no arms legs or hips
And no diddly bits
Nothing at all just a brain
It made him quite misanthropic
And totally deficient in mirth
But if he could only have managed a wank
Would he need to conquer the Earth
 

The evil villain in Star Wars
Was a slug called Jabba the Hutt
His body was chubby
But his arms were quite stubby
And could not reach past his gut.
The Hutt was a criminal genius
At swindling the galactic bank
But would he have turned out so nasty
If he could have had the odd wank

Vader, warlord of the Dark Side
Was half man and half machine.
If some electronic bodger
Hadn't messed up his todger
Would he have become quite so mean?
If only he could have indulged in
The occasional five fingered shuffle
It might have quelled pent up aggression
And so kept Darth out of trouble.

Do you begin to discern a pattern
That seems to stand out quite plain
To avoid feeling funky
Stay home, slap the monkey
Sexual frustration's a bane
It is true that the leading religions
All declare masturbation a sin
But we do no harm to our fellows
And will all go to hell with a grin

Whereas all the religious nutters
Bush, Blair, Osama, Saddam
And the other fanatics
Who applaud their tactics
Really do not give a damn.
Mullahs, evangelists, ayatollahs
Can love neither human nor beast.
The righteous may rant but bashing your bishop
Will strike a blow for world peace.

Have you ever noticed how tyrants have one thing in common. They have no sense of humour. 

Shite In The City