An empty stage
A few spotlights
And a crowd of thirty or more
Psyche yourself up
And take a chance
Go beyond
Where you've never gone
Before

Bullets of sweat
Soak your forehead
Saving your nervous face
From being attacked
By Niagara Falls
And running all over the place

You test the mic
To make sure it works
And the sound is loud and clear
While you gargle your throat
With your last breath mint
And cough as your eyes fill with tears

You compose yourself
With a few deep breaths
And wipe your fevered brow
With the napkin you kept as a souvenir
From Charlie's Angels Kung Pao

You start off your skit
With a few Bush jokes
And a slew of Cheney too
As the crowd roars with laughter
Cause there's nothing you can't do

They're helpless
Against your charisma
And your sparkling fortuitous wit
As the guy in front laughs so hard
He wets himself right where he sits

Your cruising to the finish line
Of a fifteen minute jest
As you gaze at the sea
Of smiling faces
And know that you've given your best

Not bad for a beginner
Is what you say to yourself
As you give a last wave of your hand
You try to walk off the stage
But the cord's in the way
And you trip
On the microphone stand

Not to worry it's the coup de grace
Of a night like none you've known
And you laugh like crazy
In spite of yourself
As you head out the door
To go home