THIS SAD WORK REMINDS ME A LINE OUT OF PROVERBS;'...THERE IS A WAY THAT 'SEEMS' RIGHT UNTO MAN, BUT THE WAY THEREOF LEADETH TO(SPIRITUAL)DEATH...' WELL DONE LORI AND THANKS FOR SHARING. LOVE AND BLESSINGS, JOYCE * HIS INSPIRATIONS
Reminds me of an old man that is released from prison after a very long stay, they have not much more than a wrinkled bag and wrinkled dreams. Pride is the only thing he can call his own. Maybe this fits more than the homeless and prisoners released. Maybe even death.
Love, JC xoxoxo
Reviewed by Sage Writer (Reader)
Reviewed on December 21, 2004
Wow! real true, kind of sad, but pride does that. This touched me and more so for the winter and holidays.
Great write Lori...abandonment,false pride, and a warped rationaliztion of ones wasted life and lonely exisitence...a sad truth for many..very sad...
EDL
Reviewed by La Belle Rouge (Reader)
Reviewed on December 21, 2004
I think this is a truly brilliant write, Lori. A characterization in so few words.
Reviewed by Judy Lloyd (Reader)
Reviewed on December 21, 2004
Does it all come down to this in that all that we have is in a wrinkled paper bag. When you think of it and the finality of life it does come down to that. A poignant write.
Pride may satisfy his hunger pains but it probably did nothing to put food on the table of the ones he left crying. Touching and moving write Lori.
Felix
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton (Reader)
Reviewed on December 21, 2004
Seems everybody zeroed in on the man's pride, whereas i think that you really wanted to showcase yet one more man's folly, leaving his sweet family in tears as you said in this verse. "Much smaller than
the wrinkled brown responsibilities / he left behind / when he left their / wrinkled cheeks in tears." In other words you are saying that the SOB got what he deserved.
This is such a dramatic write, Lori. I love the mystery that envelopes the man. He is like a glimpse that walked down the street; you caught enough to see his fate, but not enough to understand his realities. No person should face life alone and when pride gets in the way of compassion, life will be lonely, wrinkled and sad. Wonderful work, Lori. This is excellent!
Take care,
Sherry
Lori,
I think there are wrinkles in everyone's life, it's just that some do their best to smooth them, and some just seem to fill them with hurt and anger.
Another good write Lori!
You exemplify here what it means to leave out more than you put in - and yet already we see and understand volumes! This is so concrete and vivid, and yet so enigmatic as well. Would love to know more about this person - is his pride a "good" thing or a "bad" thing - i.e. what lies at the source of it... just thinking out loud; no response expected! But guess just shows you achieved in my book something of what you set out to! Very well portrayed. TY Kate xx
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No 'creases' in this poetic write!! Outstanding as always!!
Best regards,
Robert
Love, JC xoxoxo
EDL
Felix
the wrinkled brown responsibilities / he left behind / when he left their / wrinkled cheeks in tears." In other words you are saying that the SOB got what he deserved.
...Michael
This poem is well-expressed. Well-done!
Sandie May Angel a.k.a. Sandie Angel :o)
Whenever in life one is down, there is always someone lower, if they can bear it with pride so should we all.
Thank you Lori for making one think.
Merry Christmas
Reg.
Take care,
Sherry
I think there are wrinkles in everyone's life, it's just that some do their best to smooth them, and some just seem to fill them with hurt and anger.
Another good write Lori!
Lisa
I think I know someone like this!!
Love Tinka
Reindeer
Very enigmatic..
Muy felices fiestas navidenas..
iQue la alegria de estas fiestas naviden~as perdure a traves~ del nuevo an~o.
Silke tells me this is spanish..lol