AT THE FUNNY FARM

The evening was crazy, something's in the air-

Jodi overflowed the sink and Jerry threw a  chair                              

Someone took the vital signs, but he can't find the board

Dr. X. has charts on it, and sat there self assured. 

Calls soon came from ER, we're getting an admit

With two to follow this one, we won't have time to sit

Dinner trays arrived and they were brought here on the cart

Patients all were summoned, and dinnertime would start. 

Diabetics ate their food and tried to get another's

They'd beg or steal or whine for things, belonging to some others

Other ones refused to leave their beds to eat a meal

They knew that 8 PM was snack, and this was really REAL !

Some folks didn't want their food and bartered with the others

Staff, who disapproved of this, felt like we were their mothers.

The patients now were tapping on the window and the door

Some wanted just a washcloth, a pain pill or much more.

Suzie clogs the toilet- paper towels it seems

Water flows, and there it goes, across the hall it streams

She's locked inside the bathroom, and loves to flush the john

The water reaches out the door, we wish that it were gone.

Patients are escorted from the place where they might fall

Calls were made for lots of aid, maintenance and all

They bring the wet-vac with them, op'ning Suzie's door

She is taken out with help now, so they can clean the floor.

It's time for staff to go and eat, and each relieve the rest,

While some are gone, the T.V.'s on, and we all do our best

To keep things calm and assuage those fights for the TV's

They each would like a different show, and we're the referees!

The phones, they just don't stop, it seems, you must do other things

It sticks your craw, like Murphy's Law, and when you're there, IT RINGS !

It's always something you don't want, "Your admit, he has lice !"

"And, where is Mary J. today? Go find her. Now be nice."

It seems we can't find Mary J., we looked in all the beds

And now the caller cannot wait, but I must give my meds

The medications, they're OK, some patients just won't take 'em

Some only want "a few of them," and others? You can't wake 'em.

Hey, it's time for outside REC., it brings warmth to my heart

The unit becomes quiet and we all begin to chart

The moment soon is shattered as we get in two admits

They weren't supposed to come 'til ten, it lets nobody sit!

Someone is admitting one, someone else, the other

One of us charts hard and fast, up to the safe, another

The med nurse is preparing meds and answering the door

For pain pills, prune juice, p.r.n.'s and cups of ice du jour.

And as the last of everyone is put to bed for night

We breathe a sigh, but through an eye, we see one, eyes are bright

"Hey, I don't want to go to sleep, 'cause I was having fun,."

She said, while standing half asleep, she KNEW day wasn't done!

 (c) T. D. Helfrick, R.N.