Q. Do these pants make my butt look big?

Sample of a politically correct answer:

·        No dear, of course not.

Samples of politically correct answer with modifier:

·        No dear, of course not, but then I’d say anything to get into them.

·        No dear, of course not, they cover your assets perfectly

·        No dear, of course not, you are amply proportioned.

·        No dear, of course not, you have such a tiny waist.

Samples of non answers:

·        Dead silence (usually starts a fight)

·        Appearances are butt fleeting memories my dear.

·        Looks can be so deceiving my dear.

·        I think I hear someone knocking at the door.

·        Um, figuratively or literally?

·        Is this a trick question?

·        Do they come in another color?

Samples of wrong answers: (assisted suicide catalysts)

·        No dear, not nearly as much as your dress does

·        No dear, but your zipper is smoking

·        It fits in the mirror doesn’t it?

·        I can’t tell until you get them up over your thighs

·        No dear, spandex becomes you

·        No dear, those big pants make your butt look small.

·        No dear, pumpkins come in all sizes

·        If I tell you I’ll have to hide the scissors.

·        Gee, the weatherman was right; there is a full moon tonight.

Copyright 2011 Patrick Granfors