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Alexander Goldstein

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Was My Exotic Dude Dead?
by Alexander Goldstein → (All Poetry by Alexander Goldstein)
Monday, January 22, 2018    Rated "G" by the Author.
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The other day I found an exotic creature

Stood on my lawn and called Chameleon;

It was about 1.5-feet long, greenish-gray
 
In the light of the street lamps, I would say.
 
It was quite motionless, as a statue still,
 
To tell you exactly. Some quick research
 
And my homework online told me
 
I needed to move him into the sun

To vivify; that was a certain remedy.

 

I understand such sort of critters
 
Go into a coma-like conditions
 
When their body temperature drops too low;
 
So, next morning I grabbed a towel,
 
Heated it up a bit in the stove, and
 
Transported my newest greenish friend
 
To a sunny spot on my lawn to heat.
 
Minutes later, no change; an hour later,
 
Still no change; frozen solid it seemed to be.
 
 
As the day went on and the sun shifted,
 
I transported him to some new sunny locales
 
In my backyard. All the while, my households
 
Were laughing at me, but I didn't care --
 
I was on a mission to animate my frosty charge.
 
I think I moved him from place to place three times,

Maybe four or five, I started to be nervous.

Next door men probably thought

I was excessively caring, or simply an idiot.

 

 
Either way I finally realized I needed to get back
 
To do my work. Nature does its job, I tried take it easy.
 
A couple hours later my phone rang.
 
It was my good neighbour to let me know that

He saw through his window, but couldn't stop a raven

From eating my poor chameleon, just on the spot.

"What?!" I exclaimed. "Ohhhh man!"

"Yeah, your ward is now dead; you know how it is, man."

"Frigging bird!" I muttered into my beard.

"Yep, the evils of nature," he confirmed on the other end.

 

And that wasn't a pretty sight either.
 
So I dragged the body into the pond in my backyard.
 
Then watched him float away, slowly,
 
Like an Indian funeral rafting minus the flame.
 
 
When I told my colloquies the story next day
 
They all laughed at me as well, as they said,

Once it was active it should change its colour

From green to blue, depending on surroundings it stepped into.

That was a criterion of the chameleon's substance.

The truth is that I'm not really sure if my poor ward

Was frozen or in a state of apparent death.

 
 
It's possible I was caring for a dead reptile the whole time.
 
Likely, I was moving a lifeless reptile around my house
 
From one sun spot to another wrapped up with a towel,
 
Like a crazy man. What a booboo! Yeah, come to think of it,
 
It is pretty funny. But not when it's done by Mother Nature
 
With her countless arrangements all around. Truly,
 
As they say, only changes distinguish alive body from dead.

 


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 Reviews of "Was My Exotic Dude Dead?"
Reviewed by Melva Henderson
Reviewed on January 22, 2018
Mother Nature, she's a persnickety sort! Poor lizard, if only the raven he'd thwart! Lizards are indeed silly creatures, they do appear dead when their temperature drops, cold blooded as they are. I wonder if they are indeed like fish, that once frozen and thawed swim away as though nothing had ever transpired. Poor Chameleon, we'll never know about him, quoth the raven . . . never more.

Reviewed by Michael Schafer
Reviewed on January 22, 2018
And now you're well on your way to becoming a lizard wizard. I suggest you get a miniature stethoscope. That way you check for a heartbeat, or maybe a food warming lamp. I'm sure that raven would have appreciated it.


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