Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard...? (poem) by Ed Matlack on AuthorsDen

Reviewed by Katy Walsvik (Reader)

Reviewed on January 27, 2005

It's very simple, Eddie M... Jane said "lose the whiskers or you sleep alone and for god's sake, do something about that hair of yours! Harrumph!" Jane was really cranky, I've heard. katy xox.

(I think beards are lovely.. hehe...Is your name Jane? No? Then be quiet!) See what I mean? sigh...

Reviewed by Joshua Miller (Reader)

Reviewed on January 26, 2005

Ed I never saw it but the thought of a buff guy running around in a loin cloth is exhilarating.

Reviewed by Chanti Niven

Reviewed on January 26, 2005

You never fail to raise a laugh! Imagine Tarzan as he would look on reality TV? More like an ape man I would imagine. Thanks for another happy visit to your den.
Love Chanti

Reviewed by E. Richardson

Reviewed on January 26, 2005

hahahahah....this is great...made me nearly spew my tea though. It does bring to mind those interesting mysteries...such as how come the guys in the ole westerns never reload those six shooters? Watched an old John Wayne movie once...he fired 45 shots from a Colt .45 without reloading...later I wished I had such a gun in Vietnam.

Reviewed by OnepoetGem *the Poetic Rapper

Reviewed on January 26, 2005

Ed, Ed you're stroken fine, miss one stroke your pass is flying. Hey Ed, you're right, Tarzan was cool as the winter snow and about as right, I mean white. Something like Bill Clinton, smoked a joint but never inhaled, got a knob job but never had sex, had a wife but never was married. hehe funny stuff Ed. G

Reviewed by Sue Hess

Reviewed on January 26, 2005

i never thought about the beard but i always wondered how he learned to speak english and to cover himself so conveniently when apes don't do that

Reviewed by Mr. Ed

Reviewed on January 26, 2005

Actually, I think it was coconut cream; he spread it on his beard like the women do with Nair on their legs, and after a dip in the old snake-infested lagoon, that old stubbly hair come right off. And he slicked his hair back with worm slime - nothin better to give it that shiny 'always in place' look, too.

(I used to swim in the same pool old Johnnie Weismuller did in Chicago. I saw a bottle of coconut cream in his locker once, too. But I could never find that worm slime.)

Reviewed by Tinka Boukes

Reviewed on January 26, 2005

Your muse is working overtime Ed...good question!!

Love Tinka

Reviewed by Judy Lloyd (Reader)

Reviewed on January 26, 2005

Okay I think Daniel is right but then the apes do groom each other. Perhaps he had some sort of super spray to help hold onto the vines. I know that everytime I tried it. Swinging on vines at the creek I always either ended up in the creek or I busted my .ss on the backswing.

Reviewed by Daniel McTaggart

Reviewed on January 26, 2005

Well, when Tarzan was young, his ape friends would shave his beard as a practical joke. Sort of the modern civilization equivalent of shaving off your buddy's eyebrow.