NOT written by me but I did steal it from a Facebook account...found it too funny not to put on here...
Turkey Weather Report
Early Morning Thanksgiving Day
The temperature of turkeys will gradually rise throughout Thanksgiving day. However, at dawn when the birds stare at the frost in their chiller compartment, the ambient temperature may only be 10°F.
... By 10 o'clock the turkeys will start to thaw as they see the light of day. At about 11 o'clock a warm Chinook wind from the fan oven will raise their temperature rapidly to 200°F.
Mid-day Heat
By 12 o'clock the cook's temperature may well reach fever levels. Furthermore, you may also notice an increase in humidity especially in the kitchen. In these turbulent conditions, Moms may be surrounded by an area of high wind-chill, the result maybe a cold shoulder for you. Beware, pestering one's mother too much may lead to a tornado in the kitchen.
Afternoon Forecast
By about 2:30 pm the warm weather condition will have stabilized, and as a result the turkey will have tanned nicely. Now a steel carving knife will cut across the bird's flanks, and slices of turkey will descend on the guests' plates.
A precipitation of cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes will make the plates slippery. You may also experience a gentle drizzle from the gravy boat. This should also be accompanied by a heavy fall of a lighter liquid into your wine glass.
Evening Rumble of Thunder
Pressure may increase drastically around the waist band, consequently, storm warnings have been issued about indigestion. The evening will see the turkey diminishing to leftovers that can then be distributed to all the guests. As the day draws to a close you may experience turbulent conditions in the stomach. Good news, the outlook is that the rumble of thunder in the intestine will pass by the weekend.
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Ron
*Ed*
Very delightful reading!!
Lady Vivian
Anna
Kay
WOW, your neighbors are really gonna be pleased. But don't tell 'em that the long range outlook don't look very good.
PS: Didn't old Brother Edvard call you Thunderball when we were kids??!!