Homo Erectus, Neanderthal Man and Shirley MacClaine...

UNQUOTABLE QUOTES: IIL - Tongue Teasers

If the « Yellow Race » could have invented the alphabet, they wouldn’t still be seeing « Images » when they close their eyes. Picasso, Dadaism, Surrealist and Abstract painting (including Borroughs and Gysin's cut-up and fold-in techniques) is the art of representing Chinese characters upside down, backwards and upwards - all jumbled up in one frame at a time !

Bad breath results from swearing; fragrant breath from not breathing while you are talking nonsense.

If you tell no lies, you’ll never be believed !

He/She who rides pillion is a « tail-carrier » !

Be choosy about making friends and you’ll end up at Land’s End !

A missed « home-run » is when you get home just too late to catch the guy slipping out of the back-door !

If you can’t tell a « swallow » from a « bellow », that’s because you’ve got your mouth full or is it because it’s a mouthful ?

A Teetotaller is a « tea-taster » of tea cups on a golf course to see if they were laced with green-tea leaves or « grass » !

Mountaineering is the art of endearing yourself to ZEUS in the hope of being promoted to the pantheon of Greek gods at Olympus Mountain. Mountaineers, therefore, should not be rescued at the expense of the taxpayers’ money. Make ZEUS pay, if you can !

Since you are at the top/head of the evolutionary ladder/table, eat what you can and « cane » what you can’t to better digest them !

Jack of "all trades » couldn’t make a living with spades, so he scaled Jack’s Bean Stalk, stole and sold the « beans » to build a Castle in the Air, all to no purpose, for the Spanish authorities refused to provide the sewerage system; that’s how building "castles in the air » became an Iberian specialty. Witness whole new townships lying fallow in the Costa del Sol, for example !

When « God » created Man, He made certain the inhabitants of the Land of the Rising Sun would never be able to trace their origins back to…. and condemned them to eating « whale » meat forever and ever !

When HOMO ERECTUS on his long late trek from Africa, some 55,000 years ago, set out to seek a more durable partner, he met NEANDERTHAL MAN fleeing the Ice Age’s rigours and ravages, and the two met and copulated in the Mid-East and gave Modern Man our common genome. The question is, How did they communicate? How do you say, in sign language,
« Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir ? » (Translated: « Do you want to ‘sleep' with me tonight ?) French style, please !

Here’s an attempt:

? . % # ( ) $ ? € ?
= + X X X + X X X
V § ! < > < > < > =
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Will you let my goats graze on your downy pastures ?
What if sharp horns get stuck in my deep dentures?
That’ll give our kids much gamboling pleasures.

When Shirley MacLaine (Bless her cheeky Soul !) saw a great big golden-haired "Atlantis Man » standing right behind her in the Canary Islands (where she went to film, I presume), the same question crops up: in which tongue did they « rub » minds ? Must be ante-Homer Uhr-Greek, of course ! Or perhaps in Red-Indian sign language ?

(c) T. Wignesan - Paris, July 4/5, 2019