Blogs by Cynth'ya Lewis Reed
Why Do People Hurt? Day 3 of 3--End the Mayhem!
10/15/2007 2:42:39 PM
Whenever you feel the need to stop being nice, because those to whom you repeatedly give your overstretched time and efforts tend not to seem thankful...it's time to end the mayhem.
(More on this subject in a bit...I have a meeting to attend...in the midst of the "mayhem.")
Continued around 10:30 pm PST....(a sistah's got things to do!)
DAY 3 POINT 3: JUMP OVER YOUR MAYHEM.
Today is October 15...it's a Monday.
For some it is the ending of a relaxing weekend until the next TGIF (Thank Goodness It's Friday) experience not much different than a Bill Murray "Groundhog Day."
For others, Monday may mark the beginning of a heart attack between the hours of 8 a.m. and 10 a.m. Is this mayhem we so often find ourselves the sacrifice we sell out to just so others will see us as valuable human beings. Are we constantly scratching our nails of fragile confidence against the unforgiving concrete of competition, settling for frustration in order to grasp for just a tiny kernal of praise.
Perhaps it's not so absurb to think that as people, we need to feel appreciated and will go to ridiculous lengths to get that coveted "Employee of the Week" parking space, or that "Free Lunch" or "$20 Walmart Gift Card" from the ones whom we allow to shape our self esteem. (Note the last line said "from the ones whom we ALLOW")
Even with out school aged children, the pressure to be accepted by parents who will not accept anything less than "the perfect grade report" creates an emotional, physical and yes, even spiritual "mayhem" that could be likened to a generation cancer of stress that so many of us start to see as "normalcy."
I recall attending a lecture once that noted one university study about reading with the human voice to babies versus putting a child in front of the "electronic baby sitter" i.e. that idiot box full of "UN-reality" shows that this baby boomer has learned to abhor. The bottom line: Babies who did not receive the human attention or eye contact were observed as a lesser vocabulary development as to how to put a thought together, they were poorer listeners, less conversational, and had shorter attention spans. The children who had more human interaction were just the opposite, were more independent thinkers, more curious about the world around them and more attentive to details. (If anyone knows the study I'm talking about, please let me know where it can be located.)
The results of this causes so many of us, (this blogger included) that create the feeling of losing control, sanity, road rage, etc. all come from being isolated by feelings of inadequacy and fear. We fear what people think of us, we fear our own ability to try new skills, explore new ideas that might be beneficial to us, and we fear challenging others opinions as a whole.
So what do we do? We fight for attention because we someone pays attention to us, we tend not to hurt as much. If we don't get the attention we feel we deserve, what happens? Anything from eating high fat, high carbohydrate sugar laden foods that happen so often with women who feel "rejected" in some way; or we go on an Angela Bassett "Waiting To Exhale" inferno frenzy. For the guys, maybe they bathe themselves in alchohol (which women also end up doing...sometimes with pill popping as well)...or they blame everyone else for their problems from their mother to their ex-mate to their boss. In a word...MAYHEM.
So would it be wrong to conjure up the idea that in a world where so many millions and billions of people around us--not to exclude the individuals closest too us who get on our nerves the quickest it seems-- might just figure out that all of the frustration that causes us to crash and burn might be over something that no one else even cares about? Would it be so difficult to just let some tasks go undone and not feel like we are total failures for not being able to be that "Superdude or Superdudette"?
If we all just realized that self-importance less to do with how other people feel about us, and everything to do about what we want for ourselves and how we appreciate ourselves, then perhaps there would be a little less mayhem (M.adness; A.nger; Y.elling; H.ate; E.nvy; and M.isunderstanding) in the air. So in the words of that old hippie song I love so well by Van Halen, start thinking about how we can JUMP over the hurdles that keep us from feeling like our own best friend, and in that way we will be able to JUMP to bigger and better opportunities, instead of getting jumped by the mayhem that brings so much hurt into all of our lives.
From the song "Jump" written & performed by one of THIS midlife hippie's favorite rock bands, "Van Halen."
Website Bio:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Van_Halen
"I get up, and nothing gets me down.
You got it tough. Ive seen the toughest around.
And I know, baby, just how you feel.
Youve got to roll with the punches to get to whats real
Oh cant you see me standing here,
Ive got my back against the record machine
I aint the worst that youve seen.
Oh cant you see what I mean ?
Might as well jump. jump !
Might as well jump.
Go ahead, jump. jump !
Go ahead, jump!"
You know, it must have been something about the aggressive edginess of David Lee Roth that was so appealing to this midlife hippie Hmmmm). But seriously, whatever it is that is hurting you...allow yourself to heal day by day and stop living in the shadow of other peoples' ignorance. Once and for all it's up to the YOU inside to change your circumstances by your thinking about how YOU see YOURSELF, regardless of the clout of those who THINK they know what you are all about.
So go ahead. JUMP! Put an end to your mayhem. Stop allowing people to define how YOU feel about YOURSELF because you are the only you you've got. Start treating yourself like the sparkling and precious gem you truly are meant to become.
blessin's, and remember, It's YOUR New Day!
cynth'ya (Feel free to sign my guestbook at http://cynthyalewisreed.slide.com/
© 2005 cynth'ya lewis reed
all rights reserved.
[Trivia tip: "Jump" (1994) was Van Halen's ONLY Number 1 Pop Hit that received a Grammy nomination. And even with all of their outward success, they had their own bit of mayhem!]
To have cynth'ya lewis reed speak to your convention or organization, contact send an email to cynthyaspeaks.msn.com and put "Speaking Event" in the subject, or contact her office at the number on her Authors Den homepage.
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