At last, the end of blog entries from my old blog I'm deleting.
12/1/06
I think blogs should be interesting. At least to the one who writes them, even if they never are to anyone else. I am not a world traveler or someone who lives a life that keeps her breathless with excitement, but I am a person who thinks, who philosophises about the things inside her and around her. If I had to make a choice between an externally exciting life and the ability to think deeply, I'd have to choose the latter. Someday the person with the exciting life will possibly have to lay it all down and live a mundane existence and it may be too late then to think about abstract things or the meaning of life. The person who thinks deeply will never lack for intellectual or mystical thoughts to keep them stimulated and keep them company in their old age.
12/5/06
I suppose it's a choice everyday, we can build or we can destroy. A smile, a simple honest compliment, a sincere, understanding remark can build another's self worth and confidence and make them feel like the world is not such a bad place after all. A negative expression or comment can add salt to the wounds of someone who might just be on the edge of giving up and be the means of their destruction. I have a hard time understanding people who say they are friends, who say they care about you and they funnel more negativity into your life and thoughts than they do positivity. I think many hide behind a facade of friendship just to get a closer pot shot at your heart. Real friends will prove themselves over time, they will support you when you are weak. Cry and laugh with you and love you even when you make a big mess out of your life. They are rare and precious and should be valued and appreciated and treated just like you would want to be.
12/7/06
When I watch ballroom dancing and ice skating it just gives me chills. I want to do both of them so badly! I don't know what it is about them that affects me but I think it must be the gracefulness of movement the beautiful fairytale like romance of a couple dancing or skating together. The subtle and exquisite sensual movements and touches. The joyful lifts and smiles and the fact that the participants make something so technical and difficult look so natural and easy.. The few minutes that it lasts all the world seems beautiful and right. I wish I had learned both art forms while I was young and less likely to break a bone! I thought about dancing and skating this morning and I realized that living life in a manner that promotes love and beauty and gives encouragement and aspirations to those on the sidelines is just as much an art form and far more important than a fantasy dance.
12/13/06
The faster I run the further behind I get it seems. I am running as hard as I can just to stay in this race of life but it seems like I'm stuck in the same stretch I've been running in forever. The scenery changes from time to time but it often seems that my feet are marking time though I'm out of breath and exhuasted. But really what choice do we have, quit running, lay down and die? Or just stay in the race and wait for our feet to finally move closer to a place where they can rest? I'm not a quitter, or a loser so I'll just run on.
12/18/06
We don't find them too often, hearts that warm us with their understanding. If we have some unusual ideas or beliefs it's even more difficult to find any who can honestly relate to us with no fear or withdrawal. I think maybe it goes back to knowing who you are and being comfortable with yourself, so that other's ideas become a learning experience and not a threat to you. I am so thankful for each heart mine has formed a bridge with, each time they make me happy to be alive and each opportunity I have to do the same for them. Friendship is so much more than a casual acquaintence or a simple liking of someone, superficially. Friendship digs deep into both hearts and is transparent with each other. There is no need for deception when you know you are accepted, faults and all. There is no need to feel inferior when you know you won't be pressured to change even when your friend has a clear view of your short comings.
12/20/06
Today I thought about that little card cover with the kitty cat hanging onto a branch and the words below, "Hang In There" Today that's all I'm doing, trying to just hang in there and hoping my little paws don't slip. This too shall pass, nothing ever remains the same. That knowledge has gotten me through some hard times and yes they always pass. Sometimes another follows on their heels but eventually the sun shines again.
12/21/06
The last thing I want to be is a Christmas Scrooge. I truly do believe Christmas should be the most wonderful time of the year. It's just that so many we love are no longer with us and their memory remains making us at times long for Christmas past. The commercialzation is atrocious but the idea of giving gifts is a good one, it's just been taken to extremes by those who think if you don't spend at least a hundred dollars on it, it's not a proper gift. I am trying not to think about who is gone and what is wrong in my life, but who is still here and what I have to be thankful for. Happy Holidays to all my friends and readers, try to keep the humbugs away.
1/1/07
Last year is gone now, disappeared into the fog of history. I can't say I am too sad to see it leave. Now comes a new year, a new opportunity to find the strength and presence of mind to become all that we were created to be. This is the only resolution I make, to become each day more of the "Me" I was intended to be. To develop all within me in such a way as to move me closer to that goal of self realization and divine purpose. Happy New Year to All, may we all move closer to that place where we are at harmony and peace within and without.
1/10/07
Have you ever loved someone so deeply. so completely that you would die for them? So perfectly that your heart pounds whenever they are near or at just their name and words on a page? Have you every loved so much that there are no divisions at all between you and them, the things you don't understand about each other you seek to understand and just accept if you can't fathom?Have you loved someone whose weaknesses only make you love them more and want to protect them from pain?
Have you ever loved so completely that you are incomplete without them, no not as a person, but at being all you can be? Have you loved so passionately that your body aches to couple with theirs the same way your souls and minds merge so effortlessly and joyfully?
I believe that God intended for all of us to love this way, the problem is so few of us find the one we can love with abandonment and we too often settle for far less than we could have. Until we love this way I think we have never really loved as we were created to love. The first step toward having it, is expecting it, determining that we want it and will have it. Stand firm in our resolve to settle for no less.
1/16/07
Powerful people are those who take charge of their lives and refuse to allow anyone or thing to deter them from the path they have chosen. Powerful people are not those who scheme and deceive to get their own way but those who simply take a step at a time, live a day at a time with their goals always in view. Powerful people don't have to hurt others unnecessarily or belittle them to feel large themselves. They are already large in heart and soul, significant in what they contribute to the world. Powerful people might stumble from time to time but they never stay flat on the ground. God made them to stand upright and that's the position they always seem to resume! You may hurt them but you will never destroy them for the influence of powerful people lives on even after they are gone.
1/30/07
Today is one of those days that I have more to deal with than one woman can possibly handle. It is a gray day, a sad morning when the pressures feel like they will crush me into oblivion. I had a cup of tea, decided to write a journal entry and now I'm just going back to bed. Maybe when I wake up later the sun will be shining and the load won't feel so heavy. So good morning/night and please don't wake me up unless something majorly important is happening and I need to put on my makeup. Mama told me there'd be days like this but she didn't tell me they'd last six months!
2/8/07
We went out to eat at a fancy Italian restaurant when my sons were little boys. To my horror and humiliation my oldest began to make ugly faces at his baby brother and the stuffy waiter.
What should I do? I couldn't cause a scene by scolding him above a whisper,slapping his leg or spanking him in the ladies room. Being the ingenious lady that I am, I reached beneath the tablecloth and pinched his fat thigh firmly...at which time he screamed with every decibel he could muster "YOU PINCHED ME." He and I got the attention of every person in the room and probably many of them thought me to be a monster!
Americas do you think perhaps we just aren't screaming loud enough about the things our government expects us to endure quietly? Like a war we want over, a budget that is totally ludicrous, cuts to social programs like medicare and medicade and no means of national health care for those who can't afford or are ineligible for health insurance. Pouring billions into aid for rebuilding the country we almost bombed off the map, while our own hurricane victims have only gained access to a tiny percentage of the federal funds promised to help them rebuild and survive? Allowing thousands of illegal aliens to remain here robbing our own citizens of jobs, receiving medical and educational aid and paying no taxes, while the American middle class is becoming the American poor?
The pinch is on, will we sit quietly and take it or learn how to scream until we are finally noticed? Personally I think it's time to make a scene.
2/14/07
What is it about Valentine's Day that makes us suddenly sentimental and mellow? We remember each one we have loved and lost with fondness and the stirrings of love still living in our hearts. Even if the relationship ended badly, even if they broke our heart, on Valentine's day we tend to remember the times when love was good and life was sweet.
I think it's wonderful to set aside a day to concentrate on matters of the heart and to remember what being in love feels like or to rejoice in what it still feels like after all these years and tears. Hopefully by celebrating this day with memories and tokens of love it will inspire us to love and demonstrate our love more everyday. Saying I love you is easy, proving it with actions can be a challenge only real love can and will meet.
3/10/07
It is a new day, whether we are ready for it or not it's here. The sun did rise and we have to get out of bed. New days just make little sense sometimes and it's because we have become entrenched in the old one. Even though we knew we were unfulfilled and not happy, we have accepted things as they were when all along we should have been dredging channels into the future.
Sometimes living in the moment is a good thing, other times the moment needs to end and make way for what is waiting beyond the next corner. Broken pieces can reshape a heart, make it more hospitable to love than it was before it was broken. I hurt but I won't die and in time I'll reach that corner and see what is waiting there in my new day.
3/12/07
Is Time A Taskmaster Or A Gift?
Is time the basis of reality or simply an illusion. Are we living in reality or is time a dream? Deep questions, too deep for me to understand.
Time is a bit of life allocated to us, our spirit, soul and body as it presently exists. It can be over quickly, almost before it has begun, or it can drag on and on until we are weary with it. Like the old rock song says, "Oh yeah time goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone."
I believe we are personally responsible to keep the thrill of living alive. Life can be difficult, even crushing sometimes but life is still the greatest gift of all and it must be lived within the context of time. Therefore, time is as precious as life for it is the conveyance we experience life within. However we choose to spend our time, it will become a part of our eternity and the shaping of who we have been and who we become.
Time was not intended to be a taskmaster to rule us but we are intended to rule the gift of time. Something we tend to forget in the age of rush and schedules that seem too sacred to ever break!
I tend to think of time as a river flowing into an ocean, drops of water(moments) flowing into the sea of a lifetime. What are the secrets of time and will they ever be unlocked? I don't know but I do know I have already wasted too much of it.
5/7/07
I did some deep thinking last week about a subject that I've had to consider before, "Freedom Of Speech." Our forefathers made provision for it in the constitution and so often we take it for granted until faced with a situation that demands that we either give it up or embrace it.
Last week I decided that I had to leave a poetry site that was beloved to me, where I have many friends and readers. Some poets on the site and the administration decided, after years of allowing adult material, to suddenly enforce the "rules" and made it clear that they would not tolerate sensual adult material posted there. I'd been posting my erotic and romantic poetry, along with all the other genres I write, there for several years.
I write primarily romance and erotica but though I do balance on the line of propriety occasionally, I feel my erotica is usually in good taste and acceptable for poetry sites. I do label each adult poem as "Adult" but apparently some sites want a restrictive policy and to decide what is acceptable and what is not. Who can have freedom, and who cannot.
No one asked me to leave but I found that the more I considered the pricelessness of freedom of speech the more convinced I became that I didn't need to be worrying about censorship when I write, about who will like or not like, allow or not allow, leave or delete my work. My conclusion was it was best to leave of my own accord than to bend to censorship of mine, or anyone else's writing.
It seems that the sensual type of poetry was the only type that was
causing some on the site to become incensed and self righteous. Horror, gore, dark depressing, mentally unbalanced writes, political writes, war poetry and even illustrations of children blown to bloody bits had caused no reaction and no censorship.
How sad in my thoughts that the beauty of a woman's breasts should so unnerve and offend some people, while dead, bloody children laid out for the camera and posted on a poetry site, brought almost no reaction at all.
So I leave it to those who think they know what is "Family oriented" and I will just keep doing my thing, in the places that still allow me to.
