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A Childhood Christmas Wish Revisited in Sean Goldman 12/21/2009 8:17:44 PM
A Childhood Christmas Wish Revisited in Sean Goldman
In light of the holidays I often find my heart and mind drift to my days abducted. In those days life was trapped in a bottle, floating on a sea of confusion and mistrust. As a little boy I still envisioned what I might get for Christmas. Superman, Pac Man and GiJoe called to me from crystalline plastic wrap on the local retail store self. Dirty icicles hung from the bottom of dad’s van. If we were lucky snow or sleet fell the night before in Odessa Texas. Black ice mixed with oil and dirt layered the streets. Drivers who had no business on the road made great entertainment from our apartment window. Our little puppy yapped and danced around begging to play outside. To the onlooker, to my immediate and intimate family, little Kenny appeared once again, selfishly waiting for Christmas morning.
The blindness of those whom I lived with is now as it was then farther from who I was then, and now. The life of a child is a constant barrage of experience that becomes learning. What they learn is a direct effect of their surroundings. The glow of warm fire, parents (if still together) teaching their children love and affection, and if separated, or a single parent’s home showing their children the kindness of patience and care. Never is there a cry abuse or neglect. In our home, the sweet stench of both mixed within the walls of family love and fugitive protection.
I use this analogy like one looks at the two sides of a coin. While little Kenny was looking and dreaming of toys, he was also wishing for a special present that never seemed to come. In truth I dreaded reuniting with my mother. Like a schizophrenic child I wanted, no, I craved the warmth embrace of my mother. At the same time I wanted her to be all that my father and his family said she was. I hated and loved her in the same breath my little body could exhale. You may ask, how does a child love, desire and wish for their parent and then hate, hope they are dead, and want to forget their very image.
You have to imagine that your life is one big lie. You must assimilate into your being their fears and lessons learned. You do not have the unwavering love of your mommy or daddy to comfort you anmore. Mommy is either dead, a whore, witch, the devil, an abuser, drug addict or whatever else the other parent can create in your/their head. If the abductor is lucky, and usually is, he/she will have helpers who either by choice or ignorance of the facts helps destroy the young child’s mind. Within as little as four to six months the child has adopted this new life as their foundation for existence.
So as I look out my window at the neighbors children playing in our cul-de-sac this holiday break, I cannot help but think back to those days. The turmoil I felt for three Christmases, wondering where my mother was and wanting her to die, or let me die from the pain I felt. I think about our December 1983 reunion/recovery and that first year back in mother’s home. The ache I felt for two lives that had diverged as quickly as they were created one terrifying fall day, October 10, 1980.
Steam rises from my cup of coca and mingles with our Christmas tree. My eyes are still fixed upon the innocence laughing and racing about outside my home. My ears have not turned away from the recent and ongoing news of little Sean Goldman that is being discussed from my family room television. I hear the pain only my colleagues who I call friends can know or understand. David Goldman, like so many others has spent what can only be a lifetime of searching, court wrangling and anguish fighting for his son. I cannot imagine what it must feel like to have your child ripped from you; however I try through my unique eyes.
Highly paid legal advisers and monkey trainers attempt to speak for young Sean’s stepfather. They try their best to manipulate the international Hague treaty on international parental child abduction by twisting loop holes in the treaty. As a last ditch attempt to allow this accessory to parental abduction, Sean’s stepfather, to keep his victim in his custody, they now wish to get Sean’s testimony. This would be absurd in any rational mind, yet for the past twenty-six years I seen it tried many times by the accused.
I have often used the analogy, “You can forgive the bank robber but you don’t hire them to work in your bank.” The same is said for the kidnapper. Why any sensible person with the use of all their faculties would put the victim or a kidnapped child, and yes, that is what we are, on the stand to defend, to make right, this heinous crime is beyond me. Going beyond the obvious, a child does not have the maturity to fully organize and classify what they have been through beyond raw pain. They know two things: they love and miss their left behind parent and the person who has abducted them (or is an accomplice) feeds them, clothes them and sets all the rules governing their life.
The above statement will be argued that I am an idiot and do not know what I speak of. The other argument will be that I am blinded and must be paid by the other party (who should be the prosecutor in a criminal case and not a civil one). Both are no closer to the truth than their manipulation of childhood trust and innocence. I have never been paid and have devoted my life to ending this CRIME. I have found that the best weapon against ignorance is education. You cannot ask a child what they want or what is best when they are a child. This fact is echoed in the many civil and criminal law covering what is consensual. That is a strong word but think about it.
As a victim of this crime and former law enforcement officer, I have been called to the stand as an expert witness on domestic parental child abduction and the effects it has upon the child throughout their life. The main argument is that the child should not be removed from the abductor since they have become acclimated to their new environment. Hmm, maybe that should be the argument for every person who abducts or kidnaps? Think about it. The child abducted by a stranger does not have to leave their captor. Why shouldn’t the child be put on the stand in those cases too, and why not?
When a child is taken and must live in a new environment they are left to the devices of whatever and whoever abducts them for basic life needs. As in my own case lasting three years, two months and eighteen days, I had many chances to leave. The reason I stayed cannot be answered in one sentence or in one paragraph. There was more than fear, confusion, trust, safety, self preservation and family loyalty that made me stay. The fact is I didn’t know any better or that life could be changed if I just called the police or ran away.
While I was researching for my follow up book to Throwing Stones; Parental Child Abduction Through the Eyes of a Child, I came across a dilemma my editor brought up. I remembered things in patches and not in a fluid-adult continuum. My editor wanted me to soften the bridges between sub chapters. I explained that in order to get the dates right I had to actually find key events that were tied to documents uncovered while researching. Once I could place the event in or around that testimony, document or other mile marker, I built my sub chapter. This jaggedness to my work made my book feel amateurish, or childish.
Finally I was in Las Vegas visiting an old friend from high school who is a juvenile sex crimes detective. When I explained to him my predicament he said that my memory fit with that of a true event. He informed me that the dislodged nature of my memory is the exact tool used to determine if a child has been coached. These were and are techniques approved and used by medical professionals. Further when a child is put on the stand it is harder to tell if they have been coached than if they are left in the care or a therapist.
Now think about that for a minute. Why would an abductor, okay I will call them a parent for now not want the child to see or be placed in the care of a therapist but instead testify that their abductor/abduction is the better environment for them to stay in. Besides the obvious, parental child abduction is big business. I ask anyone to not take my word on it but instead do their own detective work. A child has no place on the stand concerning a parental child abduction case. If the defense or judge wants a child’s perspective, ask the child after they have grown up such as me.
When I was a child and going through that pre Christmas nightmare recovery I wanted to live and stay with my dad. If the presiding judge had allowed me to testify I would have screamed from the rooftop, “let me stay!” Would it have been best, not remotely! It is obvious now as a thirty-seven year old former abducted child, parent and former law enforcement officer how harmful and long lasting the effects my kidnapping had on me. The confusion and loyalty for two homes ripped and tugged at my heart well beyond my abduction and recovery. To this day I still wake from dreams where I must choose. How can we ask a victim to choose between a life kidnapped or a life as it was meant to be?
I can beat a puppy from the day I bring it into my home. If every time I give the puppy food I hit it, it will begin to accept the pain as love- just like a child will. This is the same in the area of mental and emotional abuse. When Sean’s mother abducted him to Brazil, it was for the sole purpose of hurting the other parent through the loss of David’s son. We as adults have learned our lessons and there is no way to argue that you didn’t know that the gun would go off if you pulled the trigger. When she abducted Sean, she aimed and pulled back on that trigger. The sad thing is that until Sean is home, that bullet is traveling.
My children have always been taught that although their parents have divorced and then later remarried to others, they are loved by both. They know that regardless of what may come between their biological parents, they can trust us both. We may fight over what is best but we both know that kidnapping them to another country is not only criminal, it is cruel to both the other parent and the children involved. I have spent years in counseling as an adult to learn how to be the parent mine were not. What Sean needs now more than anything is his biological father. Together David and his son can get the therapy together that will be needed to bridge that gap and the scars created by the act of parental child abduction.
As I head back beyond our Christmas tree and the ever blinking window lights, I look over at the innocence running about outside and a little prayer of hope goes out this day to the judge in Brazil. My hopes and prayers is that he will make the right decision and return home a lost and stolen little boy.
Bring Sean Home!
