Hey there double dipper

Your face I’d like to clobber

The ingredients of this chip dip

Should not include your slobber

Have another egg nog

I can see it makes you wise

Oh what you’ll teach the deputy

With his penlight in your eyes

I’d like to say your rum cake

Is the best I’ve had to eat

But I would just be lying

And the dogs would miss their treat

While nibbling on my cheese wedge

I figured out just how

Your peers are in agreement on

Your nickname Laughing Cow

They say it is the thought that counts

I think you’ll find it’s true

This crappy little gift here says 

Just what I think of you

I watched you as you picked your nose

And flicked it at the tree

Your obnoxious decoration

Is there for all to see

Rubber chicken ala’ goop

Asparagus spears congealed

I made a motion to dismiss

As my appetite appealed

If you grab my shoulder one more time

While you try your best to flirt

You’ll find your butt is twinkling

With the tree lights up your skirt

I never said that your department

Employed anyone that works

And you are no exception

You’re the leader of those jerks

As I stand beneath the mistletoe

The year’s arguments will pass

No you may not kiss my lips

But you can sure kiss my a**

I had a talk with Santa

He told what you’d done

He’s ordered the whole coal mine

To make up for all your fun

Copyright 2009 Patrick A. Granfors