My $1,862 Toilet (poem) by Patrick A Granfors on AuthorsDen

My $1,862 Toilet
by Patrick A Granfors → (All Poetry by Patrick A Granfors)
Rated "G" by the Author.

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No I did not buy it from the Pentagon. The saga concludes ( God I hope so). Successful installation of the perfect flushing instrument - $225 Initial Roto-Rooter visit to temporarily resolve a plug - $195 Purchase of a Posthole digger to locate the sewer lateral - $24 Purchase of an adhesive hot patch for strained back - $6 Locating the cleanout where I knew it was without digging - $0 3 hour Roto-Rooter visit with plumbing toys to clear root balls - $1,412 Not having to listen to the wife sigh in cross legged despair � Priceless

How can I be so stupid I had the thing installed With the sewer line 6 years ago So plugs could be resolved I knew right where to look for it Right where it should be I moved the sandstone step aside There was no clean out there to see I then began to doubt myself A posthole digger I did buy I dug a deep hole near the house To find the lateral I did try Without success on Sunday My aching muscles burned And first thing Monday morning The floaties all returned With a flash of inspiration And although my muscles hurt I found that stupid cleanout Beneath a half an inch of dirt Right there where it should be I could have spared myself the pain If I had spent just a bit more time When I first looked for that main With the coast clear to call Roto They were Johnny on the spot And although I spent a fortune A real choice I had not So the moral of this story is Trust your instincts when they speak They could save you aggravation When you’re paddling up shit creek Copyright 2011 Patrick Granfors

Reviewed by Ronald Hull

Reviewed on April 11, 2011

Now, that was the shitiest tale I've heard in a long time. It seems that when we get in a hurry to resolve a bad problem we always end up taking the long way around. Like me, it's best to write a poem about it helped get the aggravation off our chests.

Ron

Reviewed by Karen Palumbo

Reviewed on April 7, 2011

Gee whiz Patrick! We used to have a pull chain toilet when I was real little, now that was a trip too...

Be always safe,
Karen

Reviewed by Annabel Sheila

Reviewed on April 4, 2011

Hahahaha! Glad it all worked out for you, Patrick...

Anna

Reviewed by Mr. Ed

Reviewed on April 1, 2011

No I did not buy it from the Pentagon

Now you've got me convinced that our government would pay at least four times that amount. And some wonder why our government is broke.

Reviewed by Peter Schlosser (Reader)

Reviewed on March 31, 2011

now you can come over and fix mine:-) god love you patrick, one of a kind!!

Reviewed by John Bidwell

Well- as long as you end up sitting pretty.
Thanks for putting a delighful spin on these so special moments of our lives.

John

Reviewed by Phyllis Jean Green

Reviewed on March 30, 2011

Hard t' wince & laugh like hell at the same time, but I'm doin' a pretty good job.

This is h y s t e r i c a l, but being a home 'owner,' your description of the costs (financial & otherwise) rings painfully true.

Ray (hubby) has a sayin': "I will NEVer do PLUMBing aGAIN."

There's a stand-up comedian who does a bit about the time
his septic tank overflowed. Haven't heard it, hope it gets retelevised often enough that you get to.

Gist is that there was, er, backup in his bathtub. Mr. Fix-it
shows, takes a look, and starts to tell the comic what the job
will cost. "Will the SHIT BE OUT OF THE TUB?" the comic shouts.
"Yessir." "DO IT!!!"

Excuse the language.

Thanks for the laughs (ouchOUCHouch), Pat, me boy.

GREAT POEM!!

:) Phylls :)

Reviewed by Chip Bergeron

Nothing like watching a whole lot of money floart down the crapper. Thank you for having the good humor to share your dilemma with us. Sounds like something I'd do...

Chip Bergeron

Reviewed by Ed Matlack

Man, & I thought my toilet cost alot ($375.00) several years ago, but I have to go along with Eileen this time...;-)e

Reviewed by JASMIN HORST SEILER

Oh dear, now I wouldn't take that from the wife, just kiddin, wouldn't a waterless environmental friendly have been cheaper? You could have spread the shit all around and given some to the wife, for the garden of course. Bless ya, you're a hoot.

Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado

Clever write, Patrick; well done!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Texas, Karen Lynn. :D

Reviewed by Christine Tsen

This is simply awe-inspiring, both your poem and your willingness to get to the bottom of it. :)
Christine

Reviewed by Richard King

A most enjoyable read..... Almost makes you wish you were a renter, doesn't it? NOT!!!! I will say, however, my version of being up shit creek never included a paddle.

Thanks Dick

Reviewed by D Johnson

I admire your ability to 'plunge' right into those things we call stinky and nasty. But down deep isn't it better to be 'flush' with satisfaction that all your troubles no longer float in your bowl?

Cheers,
Dan

Reviewed by Mark Lichterman

Only one thing I can possibly say after reading this heart wrenching story: "Oh, shit!!!"
Mark

Reviewed by Eileen Granfors

And another moral to the story: fix things when they begin to be a problem, not when they have become a disaster. nag nag nag