HO, HO, HO!  Santa Found living in the Chicago area…

News flash, Santa found living in Illinois,

No, not in North Vietnam near Hanoi,

Living with a bunch of elves, yes boys,

Don’t want to give him away; he will be annoyed…

But what the hell, he never does visit me anymore anyway,

And Mrs. Claus did ask me to search him out, yes she did say,

She gave me in return for finding him a really excellent lay,

Her chickens do give out very special eggs, made of solid gold, not of clay…

He knows who he is, his ho, ho, ho heard near and far,

Especially on his way back from the Antlers club bar,

Finds he must walk, his sleigh won’t go, when drinking Reindeer Rum,

What a disgusting, smelly, ragamuffin he is when drunk, what a bum…

The missus wants him back in time for Christmas,

Or all the little kiddies will be crying in their porridge,

He does live right now, on a spot of land in Lake Michigan, an isthmus,

Mrs. Clause next year will keep him at the North Pole, locking him in storage… 

So if you do see him, don’t let him become aware,

We have found him; we do know where he keeps his lair,

But in his permanently inebriated state, he has little flair,

He couldn’t if he wanted to run away again which is most fair…

                        © ed ~ 9/2/04