Flatulance (poem) by Ed Matlack on AuthorsDen

Flatulance
by Ed Matlack → (All Poetry by Ed Matlack)

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Oh boy was dinner delicious, but it is 3am and I can't stop flatulating...LOL My stomach won't let me sleep,,,
"FLATULENCE" Been hours since dinner, I would think my stomach knew, Is time to sleep, not to fart! I can't sleep for the smell, And I thought Rufuz could put one out, PHEW! I thought sitting up at the desk would help, My poor intestinal tract to give me relief, But it seems, whether I am prone or sitting, I am in for a long night of sh****, Well certainly not that, as if I could, I would & be emptied, Double PHEW! Its gotten to even Rufuz won't come over and let me pet him, So daddy stinks, he should talk, he smells like an old rug, See if he gets to go on anymore walks. Triple PHEW! Oh god, I think I'm gonna burst, Right here all over the screen, Oh, no, its okay, but it was a big one, Flatulence would not be the problem, If I had used a litte bit of diligence in my choice of food... Could it have been the, oh no, I don't want to think, As when I do, my interior seems to want to burst forth and become my exterior! Geez its like giving birth, (I know ladies, no way I could know how that feels, but) Be happy for, I just gave birth, To a bouncing baby "turd". Excuse me for being so absurd, But its 3am & I am turd, I mean tired, So I will try to exit here, And be able to sleep without my gas mask. But i gotta say that if I need help like this again, It'll be you I call to help me give birth to it all... (ed)**

Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

Reviewed on November 29, 2003

(((ed)))

this is a real gas LOL--o, i love this

my daddy...world's champeen farter...he'd purr one out when you were talkin on the phone, in the pantry for a bit of privacy...pwew, mrrowwwww, *brrrrrrrrrr* what a stink JAYSUS LOL then he'd say, "i just heard a B-52" LOL

(((HUGS))) and love,

karla. :)

Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado

this is a real stinker....LOL this is too funny; thanks for sharing your humor with us! enjoyed this "odorous" write! LOL (((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in texas, karen lynn. :D

Reviewed by Evelyn Simon

Reviewed on November 28, 2003

This sounds like my variations of sound poem I just wrote.
I was thinking along the same lines as you today.
Flatulance is a good thing, for without it; we'll die.
Take care. :o)

Reviewed by P. Michaels (Reader)

Now this is telling it like it is. Sounds like you had onions in you turkey and stuffing. Onions makes it taste real good, but causes gas problems afterwards, but I guess it's worth it. Don't worry Rufuz will soon let you pet him. Animals are very understanding. LOL

Reviewed by Daniel McTaggart

I don't have a dog, so I always blame it on traffic.

Reviewed by Carolyn Red Bear (The Bear Paw)

Yep, a man's best friend, how else can we always blame it on the dog... ha ha...I heard once, from a friend, that when you even have a hard time farting, that an enema really helps.... hey, do you know what a fart is? A turd honking for the right of way! smiles... stay strong, Ed.... heee.....
In Spirit,
Bear

Reviewed by Kate Clifford (Reader)

What ever you do don't give any turkey to the dog! PHEW!

Fun write :-) Glad your there and not here :-)

Reviewed by Sandie May Joyce (Sandie Angel)

I know the feeling well. I always stuffed myself too much whenever I went to the "all you can eat" buffet then was too fulled to fall asleep.

Great write, Ed; and the feelings are well-expressed.

Sandie Angel a.k.a. May Lu :o)

Reviewed by Alexandra* OneLight*� Authors & Creations

... Riotous... to say the least :0)!
~Alexandra~