Want To Be An Author?

I'm an author, damn I am

and here is what I mean.

I write all day and work all night

on books no one has seen.

People who have read my books

have given it five stars,

but publishers and agents

are much smarter than they are.

"It doesn't fit our formula,

but thank you for your time.

There isn't any market,

no one reads a book in rhyme".

"Thanks for your submission

but your query isn't right.

The book may be fantastic but

you used the wrong font height".

"I'm just so very busy,

but the authors love me so.

They keep on sending books

that I don't read.  I just say no".

"I am the great and powerful

you need me for a sale.

If I don't think it's any good

your book is sure to fail".

What's interesting though is

there are people everywhere

who aren't successful writers

but swear they can get you there

and they'll gladly take your money

and they'll ask to take a look

and when it all is said and done

you haven't sold a book.

You'll need a big distributor,

and yes they charge for that.

For storage space and shipping

and administrative crap.

But you somehow got an order

and so things are now on track.

But three months later they decide

they want their money back.

"You won't write a best seller

there is not a chance in hell.

You need our team behind you

if you want your book to sell."

"And if you need help marketing

that's just not what we do.

If you're looking for promotion

well, we leave that up to you."

"Bottom line - you're on your own

we don't do anything.

It's too much work to help you out,

we'll stick with Stephen King."