Tired of grilled-cheese-
sandwich Virgin Mary’s
And pay-per-view miracles performed
by Armani-clad Televangelists
They would make their journey
to pay homage to the REAL THING

Some chartered busses
Others drove or took red-eye flights
Some even traveled by foot
Forging streams, dodging
the Border Patrol
Crossing highways
mountains and deserts

The object of their spiritual quest
was a peanut
No ordinary peanut
but a sacred peanut
that bore the face of Jesus on its shell

The Jesus Peanut or JP to many
Was housed behind glass in the
Church of the Almighty Legume
Which was founded by the JP’s finder,
St. Bob the Peanut Farmer Martyr

Bob was canonized a martyred saint
after his failure to recover
from a massive coronary
caused by the stress of dealing
with a plethora of trade-mark
and copyright infringement lawsuits
brought against him
by those who believed
the face on the JP was Jim Morrison,
Muhammad, Moses, Charles Manson,
and Mona the bearded-lady
from a Bavarian circus troupe
who once had a romantic
fling with old St. Bob
Even the Buddists filed suits
claiming the roundness
of the peanut resembled the belly
of their great teacher

After God snatched Bob up,
the Lawsuits were dropped
And interest in the JP waned
for all but the most devout
They would line up outside
the church of the Almighty Legume
And wait their turn to witness
its healing, life-giving, unsalted aura

But bad news would soon
spread like wildfire
First as whispers which quickly rose
to shouts and screams
Women fell to their knees
sobbing in grief
Men looked up to the sky and cried
“Why, Why ,Why, Who would
commit such a sinful act”
For the JP was missing from
it's Golden peanut holder…

Two weeks later in Seattle
a group of aging delusional fans
would gather in the woods
around a makeshift alter
to pay homage to the
newly christened wonder-nut....

The Kurt Cobain Peanut
or the KCP to its true believers...

But Zippy the Happy Squirrel
who watched from the tree above
had other plans
for that incredible nut...

And thats another story

Copyright ©2005 Edwin Dante Larson