- (certainly not)-
partly inspired by real life...
Portrait
Of an artist
With his new
Girlfriend.
Paint him grey
He's not so
Young anymore
Not so
Hot, never been
Not so
Not.
Paint his apartment
Not so cool
Not the brown sofa
Not so clean
Dirty brown,
Not so.
Paint his mind
In shallow green,
Not so clear
Never been.
Words get stuck
Meanings dissolve
Paint it right,
Thin it down.
The artist,
"Abandonné".
Don't paint him black
That's what he'd like -
What he'd like to be -
But you know better
His color's rust.
Show
That the only ideas
He trusts
Come from you,
But he'd never admit it,
He lies, then
Paint him
backwards and
Upside down.
You see, the artist was
Rejected by his mother,
Not taken seriously
By his father,
Not even loved
By women -
Too strong
Too independent
Not willing
To put real beauty
between his idle hands -.
Don't forget
To choose
The fitting format
For your ex,
He'd love to be big
But he is just XS -
Not the size of his dreams -.
Portray the artist
With his young girlfriend
She's all he can afford,
Treat him gently,
He's so dependent
Not so strong,
Not.
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Reviews of "Not a Portrait"
Reviewed by Ahmad Abang (Reader)
Reviewed on December 20, 2007
It is a lament by an artist camouflaged in words that told us of ordinary event. An artist trying to convey feelings of love, desire,ambitions and even bitterness. All said and done he wanted to be himself.
Brilliantly conceived and written, Axilea. Truly first class, with the delicate (unfinished) brushstrokes making a very complete picture. If anything, I would say that the mention of "an ex" slightly undermines the passage of play for me a little, because I think it is just such a handsome piece of poetry without that thought necessarily sparking ideas of that being the inspiration behind this portrait. But that's just my personal foible. Totally elegant and extremely polished writing. TY Kate xx
This is a poem I had to read more than once. I didn't want to miss anything. It feels like several personality sketches combined into one overall sentiment. Books can't be judged by their cover but if one gazes carefully...you will have insight. Well, and creatively, penned!
Sheila
I beg to differ with all the gentlemen below. Just by commenting kindly they've proved not to be the "artist" from above. To hold a thing of beauty is a wonderful thing. We hold your poetry in our hands and write commentary on it-- appreciate it. Axalia's artist could not even do that-- couldn't recognize beauty beyond his own reflection-- or the reflection of himself in dazzled young eyes-- very sad. Charlie
ps I saw that "a" you slipped out of my bag. Klepto!
Well this covers all the bases of what we men hope not to be,dull shallow,stupid and lastly the crown jewels XS......the mommy things was wrong but pretty much everything else is right on,I guess that's why we need a perfect woman huh,ok I'm kidding......
very clever and nice write,
stan
Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader)
Reviewed on December 17, 2007
Archetypal Neruda, with the clever usage of colours to bring out the full picture within your words.
Yup you've painted me perfectly... Bloody blighter ain't I.
Great poem about a guy who's co-dependant, and can't see beauty beyond his own warped narcissistic thoughts...
Many can only paint in black and white. A full colour palette is only reserved for perfection. Your poem is sad and so very well constructed. Peace, Love and Blessings Always, Paul.
Homer's Ill Iliad & Odd Sea Odyssey (420 pages) is an adult satire/parody rewrite of the classic stories of the 10 year Trojan War and of the 10 year adventure of Odysseus trying to return home to his native Ithaca.
A naïve councilman and a down-on-her-luck single mom try to save their county’s last stand of forest from greedy developers and a dysfunctional government.
Sheila
Be safe,
Karen
(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.
ps I saw that "a" you slipped out of my bag. Klepto!
Love Tinka
Regis
very clever and nice write,
stan
Yup you've painted me perfectly... Bloody blighter ain't I.
Great poem about a guy who's co-dependant, and can't see beauty beyond his own warped narcissistic thoughts...
Many can only paint in black and white. A full colour palette is only reserved for perfection. Your poem is sad and so very well constructed. Peace, Love and Blessings Always, Paul.