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Axilea MU

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Member Since: Nov, 2006

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Not a Portrait
by Axilea MU → (All Poetry by Axilea MU)
   Rated "G" by the Author.
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- (certainly not)-
partly inspired by real life...

Portrait
Of an artist
With his new
Girlfriend.

Paint him grey
He's not so
Young anymore
Not so
Hot, never been
Not so
Not.

Paint his apartment
Not so cool
Not the brown sofa
Not so clean
Dirty brown,
Not so.

Paint his mind
In shallow green,
Not so clear
Never been.
Words get stuck
Meanings dissolve
Paint it right,
Thin it down.

The artist,
"Abandonné".
Don't paint him black
That's what he'd like -
What he'd like to be -
But you know better
His color's rust.

Show
That the only ideas
He trusts
Come from you,
But he'd never admit it,
He lies, then
Paint him
backwards and
Upside down.

You see, the artist was
Rejected by his mother,
Not taken seriously
By his father,
Not even loved
By women -
Too strong
Too independent
Not willing
To put real beauty
between his idle hands -.

Don't forget
To choose
The fitting format
For your ex,
He'd love to be big
But he is just XS -
Not the size of his dreams -.


Portray the artist
With his young girlfriend
She's all he can afford,
Treat him gently,
He's so dependent
Not so strong,
Not.


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 Reviews of "Not a Portrait"
Reviewed by Ahmad Abang (Reader)
Reviewed on December 20, 2007
It is a lament by an artist camouflaged in words that told us of ordinary event. An artist trying to convey feelings of love, desire,ambitions and even bitterness. All said and done he wanted to be himself.

Reviewed by Kate Burnside
Reviewed on December 18, 2007
Brilliantly conceived and written, Axilea. Truly first class, with the delicate (unfinished) brushstrokes making a very complete picture. If anything, I would say that the mention of "an ex" slightly undermines the passage of play for me a little, because I think it is just such a handsome piece of poetry without that thought necessarily sparking ideas of that being the inspiration behind this portrait. But that's just my personal foible. Totally elegant and extremely polished writing. TY Kate xx

Reviewed by Sheila Roy
Reviewed on December 17, 2007
This is a poem I had to read more than once. I didn't want to miss anything. It feels like several personality sketches combined into one overall sentiment. Books can't be judged by their cover but if one gazes carefully...you will have insight. Well, and creatively, penned!
Sheila

Reviewed by Karen Palumbo
Reviewed on December 17, 2007
A very moving piece, reaching into ones soul to bring out the beauty in the heart, well done..

Be safe,
Karen

Reviewed by jude forese
Reviewed on December 17, 2007
this is indeed an excellent poem ... luv the structure, voice and direction you took it through ...

Reviewed on December 17, 2007
Beautiful imagery, Axilea, you paint stunning imagery on our eyes. Well done.

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.

Reviewed by Charlie
Reviewed on December 17, 2007
I beg to differ with all the gentlemen below. Just by commenting kindly they've proved not to be the "artist" from above. To hold a thing of beauty is a wonderful thing. We hold your poetry in our hands and write commentary on it-- appreciate it. Axalia's artist could not even do that-- couldn't recognize beauty beyond his own reflection-- or the reflection of himself in dazzled young eyes-- very sad. Charlie
ps I saw that "a" you slipped out of my bag. Klepto!

Reviewed by Tinka Boukes
Reviewed on December 17, 2007
Powerful poetry indeed!!

Love Tinka

Reviewed by Elizabeth Price
Reviewed on December 17, 2007
Powerful and then down sized. Liz

Reviewed by Regis Auffray
Reviewed on December 17, 2007
This is powerful poetry, Axilea. It leaves me a bit dizzy. So much of what you express applies to me. Thank you. Love and best wishes,

Regis

Reviewed by stan nassano
Reviewed on December 17, 2007
Well this covers all the bases of what we men hope not to be,dull shallow,stupid and lastly the crown jewels XS......the mommy things was wrong but pretty much everything else is right on,I guess that's why we need a perfect woman huh,ok I'm kidding......
very clever and nice write,
stan

Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader)
Reviewed on December 17, 2007
Archetypal Neruda, with the clever usage of colours to bring out the full picture within your words.
Yup you've painted me perfectly... Bloody blighter ain't I.
Great poem about a guy who's co-dependant, and can't see beauty beyond his own warped narcissistic thoughts...

Reviewed by Paul Berube
Reviewed on December 17, 2007
Axilea,

Many can only paint in black and white. A full colour palette is only reserved for perfection. Your poem is sad and so very well constructed. Peace, Love and Blessings Always, Paul.


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