Here I be born down in Houma, where dey ain' got no snow,
Ma fran's, dey wan' ta take me skiin' someplace in Ohio.
Oh ye' yaie, I garon-tee, my Coonass will freeze col'
I shoulda stood in Sout' Lou'sian, de trut' be tol'!!

I can't believe how col' it be when I get up dere,
Peoples, dey be laughin', 'cause I wrap' up like a bear,
Ma fran's say, "Dis col' air, she sho' be goo' fo' you' heart,"
An' dey say, "C'mon, de adventure's fixin' ta start!"

Fin'ly, dey get me a ugly pair a' rental skis,
Firs' t'ing I do, I fall, nearly twist off bot' ma knee.
"Dis ain' gon' be easy," I mutter under ma breat',
Skiin' teacher say, "Don' worry, we ain' kill one yet!"

Den dey tawlk me inta ridin' dat crazy share lif',
I'm so afeared I fall off, ma muscle, dey lock stiff.
Den dey'll havta pry ma han's off dat bar I hol' to,
"Dis ain' funny," I mutter, "Ma body's turnin' blue."

We get up ta de top, woul'n't y'all know it, BAM! I fall,
An I mus' look like somet'in, my body's all a-sprawl.
I'm fixin' ta cuss, but my fran's point me down dat hill,
Oh, ye' yaille, I'm in trouble...I'm *such* an imbecile.

De firs' t'ing dat happins, my dang legs, dey split apart,
Den dere's dis tree...oh, ye' yaille, oh, crap, das sho' gon' smart!
BAM!!!! Nex' t'ing I knows, dey's carryin' me down de hill...
Body cas' comes off in six mont', no mo' skiin' t'rills!
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This is loosely based on a Cajun I met when
I was working at Snow Trails Ski Resort in
Mansfield, Ohio as a lift operator. He had
never seen snow in his life, and his friends
invited him to go skiing...he and the tree
met, it hit him square between the legs. I
can still hear his cry of pain...the poor guy
spent the rest of the day in the lodge, with
an icebag placed ever so gingerly over his
very sore private area. I don't think he'll ever
go skiing again...