you wonder why kitty acts up the way kitty does
kitty is nervous and the reason is because
kitty s owner s new york nephews are nasty mean
when they visit it becomes habit routine
they think it is funny to give kitty a fright
they pick on kitty they bully kitty day and night
kitty made a tape of the last time they were here
evidence they re guilty the evidence is clear
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shhhhhhh over theah kitty look kitty s soun asleep
how high will she jump dis time how high will she leap
las time kitty got tangled up in da mobile
time for dat da kitty land right in da oatmeal
i can see da reason doggies hates kitty cats
crazy an dey stare atchu wit dem eyes like dat
yeah an what about all dose noises kitties make
dey purr dey hiss dey mrrroowwwwww dat soun takes da cake
da food dat dey eats man it stinks evah so bad
yeah an dey shed an does dat evah make me mad
den dey hackin up hairballs dat s worser den worse
yeah i tink all kitty cats really should be cursed
shhhhhhh one eye s open dang it s givin me da creeps
yeah man me too ya stupid cat go back ta sleep
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the tape is still runnin all is quiet no noise
you hear the scream of a couple of new york boys
aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh allatime youse gotta lay aroun like dat
uh oh i don t like da souns comin outta dat cat
uh randy do youse tink dat was such a good ting
oh dang kitty s gon pounce kitty s gonna spring
kung fu kitty s gon teach them boys a thing or three
kitty s lesson for today let sleeping cats be
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this is based (partly) on truth. when
i was growing up, our family had a cat
named "friday." a short haired, mixed
breed black and white kitty. green
eyes. pretty little thing.

i used to wait until friday was sound
asleep, when she'd put her head on up-
sidedown (you know how cats sleep); i
would creep up sllooowwwwlly beside
her and then slap my hand on the floor
next to friday and go "PSSSSSTTTT!!"

friday, needless to say, was not amus-
ed.

all four feet would leave the ground,
she'd instantly swell to three times
her size (she'd get absolutely HUGE,
especially her tail), and she'd be a-
hissin'.

mom would get soooo mad at me...she'd
yell, "STOP PISSIN' THE CAT!!!!"

i wasn't meaning to be mean...i just
wanted to see the cat fur out!! :)

must have not done friday any harm...
she lived to be nearly nineteen years
old!