what's the most embarrassed
you've ever been
when you wish you could
die
when you wish the earth
would just
open up
and
swallow you whole
gulp
never to be seen
again
when your face turns
redder
than
red
i have been
embarrassed
many many many times
more than i care to
remember
like the time i got
my first pair of
bifocals
in fifth grade
ontario, ohio
elementary school
goin' down the steps
looked through the bottom
of the lenses
through the bifocals
split image
what i thought was
the stairs
wasn't
bamboomcrashiddyboom
fell down the
stairs
in front of the entire
school
or the time
i fell off the ski lift
snow trails ski area
mansfield, ohio
thirty feet
the fall wasn't so bad it was that
sudden stop
at the end
that hurt big time
landed in mud and snow
more mud than snow
left a nice depression
where i landed
knocked the breath out of myself
would be nice if i could
breathe
i hurt for three days
my hair hurt
my teeth hurt
everything hurt
walked like an old lady
stoved up
karen wanted to go
christmas shopping
are you kiddin'
shuffle ow shuffle ow
pain lines
karen finally got
tired
of waitin' for grandma
rented me a wheelchair
couldn't drive the durn thing
ran into everything
and everyone
we knew at the mall
what happened to you
oh, fell off the ski lift
fifteen feet
wasn't gonna tell 'em
the truth
if it got back to mom
she'd ban me from skiing
ever again
or the time
i met vince gill
knew what he sounded like
had no idea what he
looked like
was visiting with joe diffie
backstage
six flags over texas
know joe and his whole family
have for years
anyway
this guy comes out
wearin'
a reba mcentire t-shirt
i *love* reba
asked him where he got it
he said reba gave it to him
i'm like
yeah, right
reba's just gonna up and
give you a shirt
he said, she did
i'm still, yeah, right
he asked me if i knew the song
oklahoma swing
yeah, i said, some guy named
vince gill
and reba
sing it
joe diffie is behind me
i don't know it
he taps my shoulder
karla
yeah, joe
do you know who you're
talkin' to
no, joe
that's vince gill
or the time
karen and i went karioke-in'
at this little bar
outside of burleson, texas
'cause johnson county
is dry
no alcohol allowed
in johnson county
she and i decided to sing
down at the twist and shout
mary chapin carpenter
cajun flavored song
aaaa-iiii-eeee
i'd sing a verse
then karen
then me
one of the verses had
crawfish pie
in it
did i sing that
nooooo
i sang, crawfish poo
i got to laughing
so hard
tears rollin' down my face
couldn't sing
another note
if my life depended on it
karen had to rescue the song
to this day i still can't
sing that song
without remembering
crawfish poo
karen has to sing that verse
i avoid it like the plague
have you ever been so embarrassed
you just wanna die