i can't claim credit for the first part of this write (darn, wish I could!), but thought you'd get a laugh out of it--i'm still ROTFLM*O!
It's in the 60s out there, here in Texas, neener neener nee-ners LOL, I know most of you up North are suffering through ANOTHER arctic cold wave. So I wrote a poem for you poor I-AM-READY-FOR-WINTER-TO-END people. Why don't you move to Texas? :-)
COLD WEATHER (anonymous)
60 degrees above zero: Floridians turn the heat on. New Englanders plant gardens.
50 degrees above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. New Englanders sunbathe.
40 degrees above zero: Italian and British cars won't start. New Englanders drive with the windows down.
32 degrees above zero: Distilled water freezes. Moosehead Lake's waters get thicker.
20 degrees above zero: Floridians don coats, thermals, gloves, hats...the works. New Englanders wear flannel shirts.
15 degrees above zero: New York landlords finally (grudingly) turn on the heat. New Englanders have one last cook out before it really gets cold.
ZERO degrees: People in Miami die. New Englanders close their windows.
10 degrees below zero: Californians vacation in Mexico. New Englanders get out their winter coats.
25 degrees below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door-to-door.
40 degrees below zero: Washington D.C. runs out of hot air. New Englanders let their dogs sleep inside.
100 degrees below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. New Englanders get frustrated, because their "caah" won't "staaht."
275 degrees below zero: All atomic motion stops (Absolute zero on the Kelvin scale). New Englanders ask, "cold enough for yas?"
500 degrees below zero: Hell freezes over. The Red Sox win the world series (or the Indians).
The Temperature Is WHAAAAAT???? (C) (Copywritten, 2004, by Karla Dorman)
I knew it was cold. I just didn't know it was THAT cold. Winter's here. It won't--let--GO. We're caught in its stranglehold.
Lungs and skin are flash frozen, the minute you step outside. This winter, we've all become bears. To go out? SUICIDE!
I'm afraid of what my utility bills will be like. Gonna have to sell my home, car, even my Harley bike.
Remember the movie "Ice Age"? Well, that time has come NOW. I'm MORE than ready for winter to end...oh, boy, and HOW!
What's this about global warming? Global warming, inDEED! (Maybe they invented it after smoking some crazy weed.)
Come on, Spring, with all of your greenery, rain, even storms, I don't care WHAT it does...long as I finally get WARM!!!!
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Reviews of "The Temperature Is WHAAAAAT???? (for contest)"
karla,
neat write!
but really you must learn to
embrace the cold [he says assuming
the lotuc position and donning the
sacred touque of a CanadianColdMaster]
accept it and mind not the chill
sustaining yourself with the warmth
of your mind---
(((grin)))
john+
Very creative writing Karla!;-) it happens to be 62% here in sunny California (10 miles from Sacramento in northern part;-)Enjoyed being out shopping today in a spring sweater;-)hehehe...
Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader)
Reviewed on January 23, 2004
LOL english sun bath at 50, zero is just nice
Reviewed by Floria Kelderhouse (Reader)
Reviewed on January 23, 2004
"ZERO degrees: People in Miami die. New Englanders close their windows."
Hahahahahahaha this is a riot...the poem is so entertaining Karla..Ilove it....and...ummmm....I love the cold...it is so refreshing....as long as the furnace and fireplace keep working...LOL...great write..floria
I saw a robin today. It whistled once and froze! Funny poem, karla. We're looking for ice and snow Saturday night!
Reviewed by Kate Clifford (Reader)
Reviewed on January 23, 2004
As the scientist run around parnoid about Global warming; Canadians are smiling and saying, "Global warming? Pray tell this is true and not another fantasy we have dreamt!" I am not going out this weekend. You can't make me!
Fun sharing of winter temperatures. Yes the people from England have been known to get off the plane in the winter, in Canada, in their shorts and they are comfortable :-) I know, my aunty did it LOL.
This is a very good write; I really DO love your sense of humor! LOL at this poem!
BUT i DO have one question to ask of you...WHERE'S WINTER?? WHY hasn't it come here to TEXAS?? I WANT SOME SNOW, and i want it NOW!!!
(((HUGS))) and much love, your twin, karen lynn. :D (or :( depending; :D because i love you and this poem, and :( because i am STARVING for some cold and SNOWY weather!!)
But hey, what about us hardy Midwestern types? At 20 below zero, some of us in the Polar Bear Club take a skinny dip in Lake Michigan!
Top that New Englanders!!!
Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part V
Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part V is humorous adult literature featuring adult content and language. The work satirizes and spoofs thirteen classic tales from U.S. and British literature, a
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I think my temperature goes above 500 sometimes!!
Love Tionka
God Bless
~Michelle~
neat write!
but really you must learn to
embrace the cold [he says assuming
the lotuc position and donning the
sacred touque of a CanadianColdMaster]
accept it and mind not the chill
sustaining yourself with the warmth
of your mind---
(((grin)))
john+
Hahahahahahaha this is a riot...the poem is so entertaining Karla..Ilove it....and...ummmm....I love the cold...it is so refreshing....as long as the furnace and fireplace keep working...LOL...great write..floria
Fun sharing of winter temperatures. Yes the people from England have been known to get off the plane in the winter, in Canada, in their shorts and they are comfortable :-) I know, my aunty did it LOL.
This is a very good write; I really DO love your sense of humor! LOL at this poem!
BUT i DO have one question to ask of you...WHERE'S WINTER?? WHY hasn't it come here to TEXAS?? I WANT SOME SNOW, and i want it NOW!!!
(((HUGS))) and much love, your twin, karen lynn. :D (or :( depending; :D because i love you and this poem, and :( because i am STARVING for some cold and SNOWY weather!!)
But hey, what about us hardy Midwestern types? At 20 below zero, some of us in the Polar Bear Club take a skinny dip in Lake Michigan!
Top that New Englanders!!!